woo!

So I get to go over to Kit's house and FINALLY get my hands on Snow Patrol's A Hundred Million Suns today. And sleep over at her house, anyway, but what's the fun in going to her house if I don't ever get any music out of it? ;D just kidding.

But, yeah.... with good news comes sadness. I fly back to Provo Saturday morning. My flight leaves at 7:10 (yikes that's early); if you want to see me before I leave again, please stop by! I always miss you fine folks more than you can imagine.

Oooh, that reminds me, I have to go out and buy a webcam. 12-buck webcam, here I come! *hunts*



*suddenly wonders if it's Wednesday so she can get a chapter in her email, but then sadly remembers it's only Tuesday*


Oh, and if you can't stop by to see me, go to Zach Clark's board game night thingy on Friday. I'm gonna go there for a couple hours. :D

*grooves out to Keane*

List of Christmas loot (lol):

Specifically mine:

1. Perfect Symmetry [Keane CD]
2. a new CAMERA! (this was the most surprising by far)
3. a new phone, too. It's a snazzy flipping thing!
   
4. a heckuvalot of clothes (it's only when you're old that you get excited about these :P )
5. A digital picture frame! ♥
6. Mistmantle Chronicles [book 2 & 3]
7. new Redwall book (surprise! not really. )
8. iTunes gift card
9. Purebuds
10. Powerball
11. Gift card ($50! wth?)
    
12. Snow Patrol CD! (from Kit - she's awesome!)

Generally (as in, for all us kids):

1. WALL*E
2. Iron Man
3. some marshmallow shooters
4. "Outdoor Challenge" for the Wii
5. Captain Clueless (it's a game, apparently....)
6. Actually, we got a lot of new games. aha.

And I have yet to give MJ, David, Kit, and Anne their presents. But I get to sleepover at Kit's house next Tuesday! ^_^

Oh, and I'm ridiculously grateful I'm not working today. *phew!*

T-Minus: 11 hours and 35 minutes.

FINALLY! =D

Edit: Well, after a four hour delay, I finally got back into O'Hare at 11:15 CST. :)

I want....

...everyone to update. because it's been forever.

and a plethora of other things, too, but that I can actually influence to do something about and change. ^_^

*jumps back onto couch to write more of Zack's superheroes story [cough] I mean study*

Since my parental units have obliged to change my Facebook password, I can actually hope I'll be productive during this finals week. I hope it'll also help me get used to cutting back from the massive intake of internet I usually receive in one week. [Yes, I think I am addicted.]

A necessary evil.



Layout for the week:

Monday - record all of major scales and arpeggios
Tuesday - American Heritage Final
Wednesday - Dictation Final; Book of Mormon Final; Freshman Double Reed-ists party
Thursday/Friday - get a ride up to Sandy to stay with Aunt and Uncle for a bit
Saturday @ 4:30MST - board flight. @ 8:35CST - arrive in O'Hare.
Sunday - partying it up!
Monday (12/22) - Chicago trip with pretty people I like!

And then major relaxation begins. At last!

1 WEEEEEEEK!!!!

And now the phrase, "I'll be home for Christmas" has never had so much meaning in my life. :D

*is giggly with excitement*

"One of the hardest things to do is watch someone you love, love someone else."

Or just watching them go away.

Ahh, the holiday is so bittersweet. It sucks.

I GIVE UP.

For the last time, I've given up.

And I keep saying it, but I mean it.

It's the final straw, and you've blown it. For the last time.

Seriously. I'm done with your $#@&. Grow up. Be the mature, responsible college student you and I both know you ought to be.



You have no frikin' idea how much you MEANT to me. None at all. Because if you did, you would've tried harder. You would've understood. You would've learned.

Is it too late to remind you how we were
And now our last days of silence scream and blur

Those words have never meant more to me than they have now. And it's so ironic - the same words once consoled you. I gave them to you. I practically SUNG them to you.

As much hate as you have probably imagined in this, I won't express it in public. I'll remain decent. I'll continue to kill you ever so easily with kindness. And then we'll just continue to drift apart until I can get away with removing you slowly from things in my life, and not have you notice. Because I'm sure you won't.

Frack. We had something special. Did you realize that? Were you even aware, without me having to remind you?

I told you I'd always love you. You said you knew, and that you were sure that I'd always be around to remind you. But what if I'm not around to remind you anymore?

Do you know what you meant to me?

Today was such an awesome day. =D

1, because it's Thursday (which means 2 classes, essentially; and it's almost Friday), and 2, because of BAND.

I have band every Tuesday and Thursday for about 2 hours each time, and it really is the best 4 hours a week of my life. (Hmm, that sounded rather funky. Bwah.) Today was especially good because we were so productive, and had a HILARIOUS time while doing it. Abundant in laughter, multiple rounds of applause, and we even had a couple standing ovations! And, of course, those warm fuzzy feelings and goosebumps when you just get something right. [Irrelevantly, me and Trent [[the oboist who sits next to me]] heard some ghost tones while the flutes and clarinets were fixing some intonation issues. It was really cool!! albeit strange.] It made the rest of my day so much brighter. :)

Our concert is next Wednesday, and I'm going to be sure to buy a copy of the recording (which I already did for my last concert!!), so you will in essence "be at" my concert. And I'll be happy. Unless you are Mike. Because then I won't, because he has an uncanny knack for losing my CDs.

Meanwhile, back at Provo [the dating center of the universe], I must confess that I am going on yet another date on Saturday. We're going to the Christmas concert being put on by the four choirs here at the Y. It's going to be really good, and I'm really excited!!

As a note for myself (sort of), a ton of my friends are getting their mission calls, as I've probably already stated somewhere. As of now, I've got 3: Salta, Argentina; Frankfurt, Germany; and Ft. Lauderdale, Florida [Spanish speaking]. a fourth will be coming later in the week! <3

And lastly....
16 DAYS UNTIL I COME HOME! And then I get to go to Chicago (hopefully again!) with beautiful people! And then I FINALLY get my deep dish pizza. Oh, how I miss thee, pizza! *brick'd*

I shall cease to bore you into oblivion. I'm off to write more poetry and fiction. :)

I don't understand.... Mostly, I don't understand him.

I have a faint idea: How could someone like him ever care for or understand someone like me? Or even if he does end up caring, what would keep him around? How would he show it? Would he understand my feelings if I slapped him in the face with it, or would he say he did but truly had no idea?

And what if I left? Would he come back and grovel like so many times before?

I know what you're thinking. Who (or maybe what) is she talking about?

Why it's simple.

It's YOU.


... I'll leave you to decipher all THAT on your own. Because you need to know how much you've hurt me. again.

What a life, indeed. :)

and hopefully my train of thought is coherent, and that I get everything down that I would like to.

1. BACK IN PROVO! :)

2. Thanksgiving was GREAT! I had a little sense of apprehension when 10 cousins (of my cousin; what does that make them to me? unrelated? I have no clue) showed up, but after we started eating I was okay. My aunt let me make the sweet-potato stuff that my family's Thanksgiving is famed for, so that brought a little bit of home to the table. Speaking of home, I was saddened that I couldn't go to the annual Re-Thanksgiving at the Hafenricters, but I decided to call his house and talk to people that way! It was a pleasant 30 minutes before someone inevitably hung up on me. Which was okay - there weren't many people there I was terribly interested in talking to. But the ones that were there that were important to me got talked to, so that was good. :)

[I had to go back and put the provo comment in there first. I'm such a scatterbrain. aha.]

3. I was flattered today [today? yesterday? um... Saturday]. I've been honored with an obvious display of trust. [viva la Argentina!] ^_^

4. I learned a new game - it's a music game! It's really fun. I think it was called "Encore." (otherwise, I've just named it that. bahaha!) basically, there are two teams. one team picks a word (from a piece of paper in the middle of the circle), and then the teams go back and forth trying to sing as many songs as they can with that word in it. It's really fun, and I think that if we tried playing that with our music people from back home, each word would keep us for 10 minutes. Haha! It was really great, though. :)

5. Back to reality on Monday. various countdowns in reference to school: 12 days until JURY :O and 15 days until finals start. Err, I guess I ought to add 11 days until my last day of classes...? lol.

6. I FINISHED BRISINGR, AND IT WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!1 I loved it so much!! It's really great to see his writing style get better and better with each book, and each time I decide it's well worth the wait for each book. Only one more after this, though. (Which I'm sure will take another.. mm, 4 years to come out.) I'm really excited for the next [and final!] one, though!! <3

7. 3 WEEKS UNTIL I COME HOME. ^_^

and now, bed, because it's almost midnight where I am. bahaha. yawn...

//::Edit::\\

I has been dubbed "the sheriff" in the Review Game on Fictionpress. I thought you might appreciate that, Officer Jeffery. Bahaha! :D

*runs off to make an icon with a hedgehog and a sheriff star*

And thus begins Thanksgiving break.

I shall see you again when I return in a week.

However, there is a chance that my uncle has a webcam; in which case I will be frantic in contacting you all so you might see my face for the first time in 3 months.

Although, if some specifically among everyone wants that or not, I cannot be sure. Your behavior has made no indication of such.

In any case, I wish you the most happiest of Thanksgivings with your family and friends. I wish dearly that I could be there. My heart reaches out to touch all of you.

Oh, and another challenge. Thanksgiving day: find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted and say a verbal prayer of all the things you are truly thankful for. I don't mean some two-cent vague thing. Plan on this taking 15 minutes. It will be worth it, I promise. :)

President Thomas S. Monson (current president of the LDS church) said the following.

"Wrote William Shakespeare: 'They do not love that do not show their love.' We will never regret kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."

So I have a challenge for you.

Show your love to those you love this week. No, this month. We cannot simply assume that everyone knows that you love them. tell them. they need to know. they need to hear it, too.

If you've read this, you've accepted the challenge. (You don't have a choice.)

What's the worst that could happen? ♥

poem. yay.

a/n I thought it was semi-funny that these two ideas started as two separate poems. Somewhere along the way, they merged...

Black & white
Day & night
Two after my own heart
Yet a consistent blue draws me
Smiles alight
Undying respect.

A knot in my heart
Feeling weak
Rapid breaths
Confusion
Silence.
Soundless vows not to speak
Refusing to take the first step
Alone

Though so called truth rips me apart
I wait for you to take the plunge

Unlikely
For now.

So my parents told me yesterday that Illinois Granma has lung cancer. (We differentiate between my three granma's by adding the state in front of it.) Over Facebook. Of all things.

But this news makes three relatives to be affected by cancer. 1st was my aunt Debbie - she died three years ago this past October (I think; I don't remember, I seem to have deleted the post that I remember making about it) via breast cancer. My Aunt Renee (still living; here in Utah, even) has had breast cancer for about a year and a half. That in itself is getting pretty bad... And now Granna has got lung cancer. And if anything happens to her, I won't be able to be there.

I've always seemed to be on the wrong side of the continent.

I'm still in denial about 40 other things, too...

Ooh, it's nearly been a week. My bad. o_O

So, apparently there's a dating workshop tonight given by a girl-in-my-ward's grandma (who evidently got proposed to 5 times... what? she only accepted one!). And not a moment too soon! See earlier post. Ha.

My FHE [family home evening] group attempted to make a Twilight-trailer spoof just for fun yesterday night. It was pretty hilarious - instead of vampires v. werewolves, we made it Cougars (BYU) v. Utes (U of U). So in the middle of noRed week (because the rivalry game is this weekend! GO COUGS!), the majority of us are out in the middle Provo wearing a ton of red. I hope it turned out well, though. XD

And yikes, Christmas shopping must begin soon, shouldn't it? Bwah... @Mike & Anne, I need ideas of what to get you. Any preferences before I go scout on my own?

I got my schedule for next semester! :D Basically, I have a class at 8am every day. HOWEVER, everything (besides band on T/Th) ends before 1pm. So then I can go home, take a nap, do homework, practice mucho, and go to bed. At least, that's the plan...

Speaking of sleep, I think I need to start getting to bed earlier than 11pm every night... I'm just about dead. XD

[almost] 300th post! *brick'd*

Um, haha, yeah.

I thought I'd attempt to keep you guys in the loop (*ahem*) and enlighten you in my oh-so-exciting next few weeks.

...Well, okay, I'll spare you the boring stuff. I'll just give you the highlights. :D

Tonight (11/13) - Temple trip! <3
Nov. 14th (aka midnight tonight) - register for classes
Nov. 14th - BYU singers & Concert choir concert with Sarah!
Nov. 19th- Date #2!
Nov. 22nd - BYU Philharmonic Orchestra concert with Emily!
Nov. 23rd - hosting a ward dinner at my apartment!
Nov. 27th - Thanksgiving in Sandy with Uncle Greg and Aunt Marlene!
Dec. 2nd - Playing in Neil's masterclass!
Dec. 5th - CRAIG'S BIRTHDAY! :D
Dec. 6th - Date #3! (Hilarious that it's planned this far in advance, no?)
Dec. 12th - JURY DAY. AAH.
Dec. 13th - Double-reed-ists party! (hopefully. it's still in the works.)
Dec. 15th - 19th = finals week
Dec. 20th - FLIGHT HOME! <3

And I'll be home from Dec. 20th to Jan. 3rd. :)

I think that's all for now. And now you know my life for about the next month. That wasn't intentional, at all. xD

And it's okay
If you had to go away
Oh, just remember the telephone works both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else
And that's okay


Don't you know that's okay?

Have you ever had those dreams where you're almost sure that it's real life? But then you wake up and you think about previous days, and you know it was a dream, but you could've sworn it actually happened? (Does this make any sense?)

Maybe that's just a me thing. Haha.


Anyway, it's raining today. And it's really cold. And by really cold, I mean REALLY cold. It's only about 42 degrees out, but the rain makes it that much colder. Though it doesn't really bother me today, because today I've FINALLY had my head figured out. My prayers have been answered!

And that's a good feeling. I would highly suggest it. <3

Just a quickie. I don't have much time for much else. Except that I'm playing in masterclass again today. >.< Haha, I'll tell you how THAT went later. Maybe. :P

Paper? What paper? I don't have a paper...

I'm now the first part on bassoon for my band! Not all my credit, though - my prof said at the start of the semester that we should switch off on parts, so it just turned out that the other girl took all first for the last concert, so I get all first for the next concert in December. Hooray!

Good for me, too. I get to sit next to cool oboists and make funny faces at them. Silly oboists! Tricks are for bassoonists.

Haha, I wish.

Anyway, there's a ridiculously fast march we're doing, and I CANNOT tongue that fast. The brass are even having problems double-tonguing it, it's that fast. So I'm resorting to slurring, because there's no other way I'd be able to get those. Is that bad? My tonguing skills ARE improving, though, I'll give you that...

Oh, and I've officially lost 11 pounds. I was estimating all the other times. :P

I AM SO EXCITED TO COME HOME! Sortof. It'll be bittersweet, really - I get to go back to Illinois and see my family, friends, other miscellaneous people that make me happy, and work to get money. Sounds good, right? Well, two of my friends that I've met here are leaving in Febuary for their mission, so I won't see them again until they come BACK from their mission two years later! Actually, more like two and a half, since I won't see them until the fall semester following their return. Long time not to see two amazing young men. Ah well, time to buy a stationary and whip out the perfume and lipstick - you know, so I can spray the page, apply a ridiculous amount of lipstick, kiss the paper and make their companions jealous. Snail mail is so much fun! Haha!

Mormon comedy, I'll never get enough of it. (Like the pick-up lines - "Is your name virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly!" Classically hilarious.)

Oh, and I got an accompanist for jury. Thank goodness! Now I won't be scrambling to get one last minute. Extra perks that he's cute! Kidding. I'm playing two movements of Galliard's second sonata for bassoon, and I have to pick another contrasting piece - probably J.C. Bach, or something to that affect.

I feel like most of this music/bassoon lingo is flying over most of your heads. My bad. I could rattle off in a whole paragraph about my reeds, and how I made 6 and only one of them turned out decently, but I won't.

Oh look. I kinda already did.


Nearly two weeks until Thanksgiving, and then the home stretch until I come home! <3 (Wow, that sounded semi-redundant.)

Miss you all back in Illinois!

Week 10!

I played in masterclass today!

I know what you're thinking. "Rachael! What's masterclass? Do enlighten me in the amazing subject!"

Masterclass for bassoon - basically everyone in the bassoon studio gets together and makes reeds, listens to people play, whatever. And I got to play two etudes (for lack of better word) for about 8 other bassoonists and my professor this evening. :)

A couple notes:

1. I've got really nice tone
2. FANTASTIC flicking! <3>
3. My eyebrows are really expressive when I play (wth? lol)
4. I can shape phrases really well
5. I need to remember to crescendo to the ends of phrases a bit more than I already am.

Can't remember much else. That's all for now! Leave some love. <3

Only a music major...

Rachael
*chucks a tuning fork at Neil*

Neil
HAHA

Rachael
hoi, you're no fun. you're either supposed to scream and duck, scream and catch it, or do something clever.
no good!
at this point, it's already hit you.

Neil
I have slow reflexes , but maybe if you hit me in the head with it enough times ill get perfect pitch!
baha

Rachael
I've got relative pitch...
but that's hilarious!

Happy November!

And today marks 49 days until I get home. And thus begins the countdown! *brick'd*

I'm really pleased with myself - I actually practiced a full 2 and a half hours yesterday! I've really been slacking, but I just picked myself up and went to work. It was a good feeling when I was done. Let's see if I can do it again today!

My band is rehearsing Holst's second suite in F for some convention in January - it really brings back a few memories from when we played it my junior year (I think?) of high school. The tendencies to rush in certain places (we did it too, haha), the beautiful second movement, our issues with rhythm in the third movement (oh, that blacksmith one that switches between 3/4 and 4/4 all the time), the saxophone duet thingy in the fourth movement, the tuba/piccolo duet at the end... I would go so far to say that I miss Mr. Leeb and the rest of the band, but I know that this is what's best for me. And this, right now, is bigger and better than East could ever get while I was there.

Halloween was pretty fun - I went to bed at 10 instead of going to any parties. I was just too tired from the excitement on campus all day. Haha. I'd make a list of all the characters I saw (all of the costumes were pretty much amazing, by the way), but it'd be a mile long. Though, I will note that I saw a pretty lame version of Luigi. He didn't even have black hair - or the moustache! How's that supposed to work?

Yep, just a quick little update for you guys. Leave some love! :)

Let's see.... I think I calculated this morning that this is week 9 [out of 16]. Shifuzz, more than halfway there! *brick'd*

And so many issues that need to be looked at. Future things to prepare for:

• Jury
  
• Finals
• MORE midterms (2/3 through the semester. schwat?!?)
• Last minute hangings with the boy that's leaving [and make sure I get his future address so I can write him]
• Playing in masterclass on Monday (ugh....)
• Register for MORE CLASSES in November
• Ooo, I have a concert tomorrow night.
• Ever working towards my goal of making an orchestra next year
• The ever increasing amount of homework - let's see if we can find the bottom.
• THANKSGIVING!
• CHRISTMAS!
• BREAK!
• FRIENDS!
• I'm excited, can you tell?

YeAH! (two words.)

Irrelevantly [as one can be in a blog post of no title], I've lost 10 pounds. No joke. My pants keep getting more and more baggy. Which I guess is good, but that just means I won't fit in a lot of them by the time I come home. Yay? I guess that's what I get for living off-campus, buying ALL of my food (which means as little as possible), and walking 2+ miles every day. =]

Aha, life is good. Stressful and a bit worrisome, but good.

"Ah, music... A magic far beyond anything that we do here!"

Turning Point

Today while I was on Facebook, I was looking through people's videos. Just for fun.

And I saw the marching band having fun in the stands.

And I saw Mike and Kylie having fun with a webcam.

And I saw a title that made me listen to the A Capella honors concert.

And I saw your face
And I tried to touch it
And I broke down
And I can't recover.

Not yet.

And I sang a song for the healing of my heart
And hoped you would hear it
And answer
But none came.

Not yet?

I turned off the lights
Glow-in-the-dark stars all over the ceiling
I named one after you
And made a wish

I asked what to do
And you speak
multiple answers
Can't figure it out
Can't trust
Can't feel
anything other than this

Help

Not yet.

Air

Reaching

Missing

Trying

to Hold

Not yet.

I don't think I've expressed how much I miss you guys.


... I don't think I have to say anything to let you know how I'm feeling.


But...


I miss familiarity.
I miss emotional intimacy.
I miss friends.
I miss knowing everyone's name.
I miss the small things.
I miss the hugs and the smiles.
I miss the late nights on the phone.
I miss seeing you every day.
I miss writing poems with and for you.
I miss having the answers.
I miss being the at the top.
I miss family.

But above all, I miss YOU.


Tell me I'm not the only one.

Well, since someone threw a hissy-fit that I don't update on my life enough, here's this.

• Went to the temple on Wednesday night with my ward! It was great, we were there for two hours.
  
• It's FRIDAY! Lots of social things this weekend, hooray!
• Said things: Mission call letter-opening [for an oboist I met named Trent]; a mocktail party for a friend's 21st birthday; generally staying up late and chillin'
• Practicing, practicing, practicing. Reading my book of mormon, and more practicing. (If I get motivated enough to go back up to the H-FAC and do so; otherwise I'm stuck in my apartment for it.]
• Start thinking about going to see Don Giovanni next Friday
• Start thinking about my [2nd] concert on the 29th
• Hope that some friends from back home will have the consideration to attempt to converse with me this weekend
• Plan ahead for Halloween weekend (goin' to Sandy, woohoo!)
• Dream about Thanksgiving and Christmas

Sounds like a party! Who said BYU-students couldn't have fun?

Dude. I just had one of THE COOLEST experiences. EVER.

But I'm not sure if I should say it or not.


Regardless, it's flipping halfway through October already. OCTOBER! Yikes. Where has the last month and a half of my life gone??!? I suppose the older I get, the faster it flies. Which isn't particularly cool when you're discovering all these cool things in your life and in the world around you.

Oh, and I finally went to the temple today. It was great! (Though I'm kinda "meh" at myself... I live literally 10 minutes away from the place, and I've only gone once during my whole time that I've been here?!? Changes need to be made! Good thing my ward is planning on going twice a month.) :D

Anyway, bed... I haven't been getting to bed as early as I should've been, lately. Bahaha.

sick sick sick sick sick

I is ill.

It's not fun. D:

But I'm trying some herbal tea to see if it'll make it better. Hooray, experiments!

(Herbal tea is legal for me, so we'll see.)

That rhymed so much I want to shoot myself... not really. :P

*runs off to try her tea*

Maybe this is how it's s'pposed to be.

I wrote another poem. It wasn't meant to be pessimistic when I started it, but it just turned out that way. Enjoy:

(A/N: Based off of the song You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol.)

You could be happy
Or angry
Or sad.
The mask so well made that you hide behind
How should I know?
I’ve always asked you what you want
But you’ve never answered straight.
Maybe it’s not a mask
You tell me you’ve never lied
(To my face, anyway.)
Through a series of events,
I whittle down to truth.
Your feelings, emotions, and thoughts:
Unknown to even you.
And you want me to save you?
You want me to keep you around?
The unfeeling and the irrational;
This can’t turn out well.
You throw out the words
You say that “you care,”
You make promises, heartfelt!
Oh the sarcasm there.
How should I trust that?
How can it be true?
You don’t even know what you feel!
Unfortunately for you, I do.
I know what I want
I know what I feel!
I know where I’m going
On this long trodden road.
The straight and the narrow
I follow this course.
I won’t change me for no one
Not even you.
Not even you and your unfeeling heart
Your confusion in mind;
Inability to keep anything
Like your promises, “heartfelt.”

I won’t take you back
But I won’t turn away
It’s all up to you
If you return or you stay.
I won’t take a stand
I’m impartial either way.
For the first time between us
It’s all up to you.

We were so optimistic
It was so easy to be.

We were young and naive.

I love my friends.

New and old. Though a lot seem to come and go, they have places in my heart.



That is all.

Pictures coming soon, but I am apparently BYU 145th's 3rd-place next top model. (Based off of the show "America's next top model") xD

I got hair-clips for winning. Hooray!


Oh, and I'm going to General Conference tomorrow afternoon to see the presidents and etc. of the church! YAY!

If you can't tell, I'm way excited. :D

*zZz*

Oh Senor Don Gato was a cat
On a high, red roof, Don Gato sat!
He was there to read a letter
(meow meow meow)
Where the reading light was better
(meow meow meow)
T'was a love note for Don Gato!

"I adore you" wrote the lady cat
She was fluffy white, and nice and fat!
There was not a sweeter kitty
(meow meow meow)
In the country or the city
(meow meow meow)
And she said she'd wed Don Gato!

Well Don Gato jumped so happily
He fell off the roof and broke his knee
He broke all his ribs and whiskers
(meow meow meow)
And his little solar plexus
(meow meow meow)
"Ay caraba!" cried Don Gato!

All the doctors they came on the run
Just to see if something could be done!
And they held a consultation
(meow meow meow)
About how to save their patient
(meow meow meow)
How to save Senor Don Gato!

But in spite of everything they tried...
Poor Senor Don Gato up and died
No it wasn't very merry
(meow meow meow)
Going to the cemetery
(meow meow meow)
For the ending of Don Gato...

But as the funeral passed the market square...
Such a smell of fish was in the air!
Though the burial was plated
(meow meow meow)
He became reanimated!
(meow meow meow)
He came back to life, Don Gato!

He came back! To life! Don Gato!

Little Wonders

...and things that make me happy:

1. Truth
2. Goodness
3. Beauty
4. Honesty
5. Effort
6. Sunshine
7. Books [especially when they just show up the mail via. my mum] (Hooray, Brisingr!)
   
8. Friends [and meeting them randomly on campus and chillin' on the grass]
   

to be continued. :]

I got bored. =]

Welcome to the BYU/winter layout. (I'm starting to make tabs of all the layouts I make so I can have one for the seasons. Maybe I ought to go back and make a fall one...?)

Hmm. Well, if you come back and the colors look more fall than winter, you know what's up. xD

I don't have a ton of time, so here's my life in a nutshell:

• Lots of classes (15.5 credit hours, woohoo! x.x)
• Lots of homework in said classes
• Staying up later than I should due to forces in nature (*cough...)
• Hooray, music!
  
• Oh yeah, band concert Wednesday. I need a black shirt...
• I need more units on my phone. T_T
• 200 hits on Sentimental Devotion on FP. :D
• Forces of nature (*cough) keep me from finishing Final Whisper ;)
• "Makeshift Destiny" is running enthusiastically and fantastically. Hooray, the life of a writer...
• ...
  

I think that's it for now... I'm too tired and distracted to think of much more. haha.
zZz

I AM SO TIRED OF BEING WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE.


Call me melodramatic, but I can't deal with this right now.


JUST. BE. HONEST. WITH. ME.



Is it seriously that HARD?

"You and me are drifting on a tidal wave"

I went up to Logan (2 hours away from Provo) last night for a concert by Imani Winds. They're a woodwind quintet that are quite brilliant at transcribing, composing, and playing music with so much love and passion. They're quite hysterical, too.

Me and this oboist kid from my band are still in shock over the crazy mad skills of the oboist. Yikes! I've never seen fingers fly like THAT before. 2 words: Intense.

Oh, but I'm way tired today. And I have a paper due at 5. And Wednesday is my other crazy day during the week. (Monday is my other one; much more crazy because it's Monday.)

If I've ever wished to take a nap so badly in my life, it's pretty much right now.


More to come?

Okay. There's this song called "Feel the Silence" by GooGoo Dolls. It's pretty much awesome. But there's this one bit that I want to bring to your attention.

All you remember now
Is what you feel

And I'm doing a lot of that right now. My hands are shaking because I'm thinking about what I feel now, and what I felt then.

In the same song, a couple more lines:

When it's gone what will you say

How do we hold on

So I'm telling you this:

I don't know if I want to take you back yet.

Give me time to cool off, because I'm pretty angry that you did this to me.

I need to decide if I need you back in my life right now.

Because I don't know.


ps - I know you don't hate me. I know it was far from it. I'm just hurt that you wouldn't live up to the words you told me before I left. You promised me. I'm just doubting sincerity.

Give me time.

Philanges

Well, something's out of whack with a nerve/tendon/something in my elbow that's causing my fingers to go numb.

Note that this is extremely bad because I am a musician and need my fingers for pretty much the rest of my life. Though, I'm pretty sure I would need them for the rest of my life anyway... but since I'm a musician, it's kinda essential. =P

I went to the doc yesterday, and they took x-rays, gave me medicine (basically a more powerful version of Tylenol) and sent me home. I "hitched" a ride with another BDA [Ben Dick Arms; the name of my complex] member and got home in 5 minutes as opposed to the 30 minutes of walking I might've had to do. Hurrah! But I called the doc about 2 hours ago to see the results on my x-ray. Happiness! It's not carpel tunnel! One less thing to worry about. *phew...*

Though, the doc put my wrist in a brace just in case it WAS carpel tunnel, but it seems to help with dealing the numbing more than the medication (so far, at least). Not sure why that is, but I'll take anything that helps.

Meanwhile, TO PRACTICE!

With love,
~Rayla

Somehow, I thought the signs were obvious.

Evidently not.

I was sitting, waiting, wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Cuz then maybe you'd see the signs.
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
I sang a song, I danced a dance
I gave your friends all a chance
Oh putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do

[excerpt from Jack Johnson's Sitting, Waiting, Watching]

Daily Stats:

{begin}

Classes = awesome.

People in classes = way cool.

Numb, lame hand = not awesome.

Waffle breakfast at his house Saturday morning = [will be] awesome

Symphonic band = awesome-ER.

Friends from back home disappearing from contact left & right = way NOT cool.

Getting close to 1 mil. on SH in FB = excellent.

David's occasional (and almost paranormal) advice = extremely satisfying.

Having my ceiling fan chain broken by the dudes who were fixing my closet = frustrating.

Successfully climbing Mt. Timpanogas = fantastic.

New ideas, characters, and enthusiasm for my new novel = SMASHING-LY GREAT!

Feelings about end of Death Note: NOT COOL AT ALL.

Total hits on Sentimental Devotion [143] = amazing.

Anticipation over waiting for a friend to call/contact = heartbreaking [but working on fixing, with or without help. real soon.]

/end

So there's something wrong with my hand.

You know that feeling when, perhaps, your foot falls asleep; then when it's waking up, it's all numb and tingling?

It's kinda like that, except less severe. Only when I do stuff with my fingers (which, I am just figuring out, is almost everything) do I realize that it's kinda numb. It's kinda odd, persistent, and annoying. But you know.

Oh, and I have a shooting pain in my foot when I walk. That was just today, but we'll see how that turns out tomorrow...

Oh, and I can't go see the doctor until at least Friday.

Can you say, "screwed?"

Call me dramatic, but...

Since you obviously don't want to put effort into this, you-who-must-not-be-named, I won't put any effort into this either.


It'll be better for my heart, anyway. Actually...

It'll be better for my life.

Convince me wrong.



I dare you.

Okay. If you don't want to take 80 minutes out of your day to listen to bits and pieces of my heart, just tell me. 

I don't like being in the dark.

And if there's anything more to this that you're not telling me, just be honest.

Please. It'll make it easier for the rest of us.

You know who you are.

Why it's the Y

http://knittinggnomeswap.blogspot.com/2007/06/hiking-y.html


My mom said I should be a history major. I think she's just a little crazy. ;)

So it turns out my roommate Vanessa has a facebook AND a blog! Weird, it's like we were meant to be. xD lawl! She's a senior, but she's nifty. =D I still have another roommate coming, and if I knew how to spell her name I would tell you it. She's coming later this week, I think.

Anyway, Utah is good so far. I start classes on the 2nd (as far as I've been told o.o) and the stairs are STILL killing me. The elevation is the worst part of the experience so far. Just wait til I get homework, I'm sure I'll change my mind. haha.

I'm realizing just how much I'm missing you guys, though. And I'm sad that you guys aren't updating your blogs, either. Don't leave me out of the loop just because I moves to another state! =( *pouty face*

Nomnomnom, time to go raid for some food. ;)

Later!

Well, here I am in Utah! and missing you all so terribly. ;)

Moving in has been good so far... my cousin Seth stopped by about a week before I flew out there and picked up all the bulky stuff and took it out there for me. ^.^ yay!

My apartment is nice. I haven't met my roommate yet; I don't know where she was, but I'm hoping to meet her tonite. (@Mike: I used my hoops&yoyo thing to leave a note for her! It made me excited.)

My cousin Megan is pretty cool, we hit it off right away. She already invited me to Thanksgiving (sorry guys) and offered that if I ever want to hang, I can call her and we can chill for the weekend. Woohoo!

Oh, and quick funny story: The altitude is so rawrgh here, I went up a flight of stairs and just about died. Hystericaly, there's this one stairway to campus (as opposed as stairway to heaven, though it's just about the same thing ;] ) and it's ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. There's like a hundred and some steps. And I'm not even kidding when I say it's uphill two ways. x.x

Anyway, more to come. I just posting a quick thing now.

Love,

~Rae

ps-I'm keeping my same phone number and area code, so you can reach me at it. (I'm an hour behind you guys, don't forget.) Also, if you want my address, message me for it and I'll get it to ya. I don't want crazy stalkers finding me. o.o
=)

I am completed.

I'm not quite OK alone, but I'm close. I'm getting there.

The steps to become who I want to be, not just who I am...

I'll make this be okay.

COLLEGE.

I leave on FRIDAY.

'nuff said.

So in one of my Coldplay songs is this line. It's so profound, and I've only just been reminded of the sheer weight of it's truth.

"You can say what you mean
But it won't change a sin."

Now, Coldplay has a lot of little inspirational, thought-provoking quotes like this, but that's besides the point. This one is particularly important to me, in light of past events. It's best if you don't ask if you don't already know.

However, these recent events have also reminded me in many, many ways that we are all human. Just because someone got a certain title or achievement does not make them a superhuman or perfect. Just because someone can do something faster, better, or more efficiently than someone else does not make them invulnerable to weakness in some way, shape, or form.

It's like the Visa/Olympic commerical - maybe we all cheer because we're human too.

So in the same way, we all are hurt because we're human, too.

I don't know why things happened the way they did, but I, nor anyone, can change what's happened. We can only learn and press forward.


ps. God, I put my life in your hands. I am too ignorant to know what is best. Teach and lead me to walk in the light. u.u

Just a quick note:

Michael Schwartz is incredible. If he tells you otherwise, don't believe it, because it's not true.

His creativity far surpasses mine, as do his compliments (when he's generous enough to give them). 

Oh, and another thing: He can be quite the charmer, but he's better as a brother than anything else. 

;D

ily, bro! <3

And now for a positive update!

I have a job! =D

It's at Showplace. I train for a week, work a week and a half, and they're letting me work over christmas break and come back for next summer! So nice of them. =D

Obviously, I'm ecstatic, so I can't really talk about anything else.

ily!

But that was when I ruled the world

I didn't make the BYU colorguard.

Sad... but only worth a couple tears. I suppose I feel so depressed about it because everyone else thought I could make it, so in turn I believed that I might have a chance. I thought for a moment that I might be able to do it. I might have an honest-to-goodness, real, sure chance.

But I think I doubted all along. Why would they pick me, some nobody from the middle of Illinois who thinks she can spin a flag? Or a rifle?

Maybe it's because I don't want to face everyone and say that I didn't make it, when everyone was so sure that I could. 

I can't let people down. It's a weakness of mine. So when I do let them down, I beat myself up for it when it wasn't even my fault. Even when I have nothing to do with the problem. Even when I have no say in the matter.

It hurts, but it shouldn't. I need to turn this around into a positive...

But I can't. The whole time when my talents have been developing, I've been the best by default. Bassoon, flag, who knows what else... 

Taste the reality, people. Taste the awful bitterness.

-tear-

Random roaring in my kitchen is the current highlight... That and random wrestling. o.o

Girls Camp '08  =  Awesome! The person I had for secret sister had me, which was really weird. She was cute, though. Yay Julia! I love her. =D  Kasey ("cousin") came up on Friday, and we (being me, Kasey, Crystal, Shalene and Vanessa) stayed up until 2:30 am talking. Woohoo, girltime.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is my birthday (I'm OLD!) and mi familia y yo are going to the Sears Tower skydeck. Excitamente! Then they're leaving for Minnesota and I get to go to a sleepover. Then I get the house to myself until Saturday. Well, it's me and Payton, but it's pretty much to myself. =D

Then Thursday is a sleepover at Kit's house, Friday is a sleepover with Erin here, and then Saturday is when I find out if I made the colorguard (*prays fervently*) and when the parents come home. Woo!

..Oh, my laptop just arrived on the doorstep. o.o

Which means I'm going to go play with it! AHA!

Later.

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm worried about the future holds, the future holds 
I'm starting to worry about Ray 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm worried about the future holds, the future holds 
I'm seriously worried about Ray 

They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm treading on my tippy toes, my tippy toes 
I'm starting to worry about Ray 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm treading on my tippy toes, my tippy toes 
I'm painfully so worried about Ray 

They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
No! 

They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 

The future's out to get you, the future's out to get you, oh 
The future's out to get you, the future's out to get you, oh 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm worried what the future holds, the future holds 
I'm so tired of being worried about Rae

There is nothing quite like laying on your floor, listening to good music, and the gentle scritch-scratching of a pencil on paper as you create a universe.

Hmm. *snuggles*

cheeky-beast!

For your upstart scallywagging comment, brother, I'll have you know I'm not done with the color schemes yet.

I'm leaving the "black blog" for now - so many colors to choose from! ;D

Edit: This looks good, I think. Feedback / comments optional. 

Also, Mike, my computer just blocked your blog for "content." What have you put on your blog since I last checked??? Haha.

MIF (missing in fiction)

Yes, I'm aware that I've been MIA lately. Don't have a heart-attack because I have a life.

And when I say "life" I mean immersed in fiction.

>.>

Camping trip has been postponed to hopefully next weekend; updates on that later.

I'm making a boat! Granted, it's a cardboard boat, but a boat all the same. It's for YW camp for church. (Our theme is "Anchored in Christ.") I'm also going to dress up as a pirate the day I wear it. Pictures to come; it'll be great.

And speaking of (which no one was), I need to go to the mall soon. Anyone want to come with me? I hate going alone, with my siblings, etc.

And finally, my birthday is coming up! Lucky for you, I've comprised a wish-list, if you need ideas (which hopefully you don't, if you've known me thus far). I'll give you a hint: a buffalo could eat it. He might not like it, but he could eat it.

*beep* end randomness rampage. *beep* start tractor rampage.

VROOM! 

...

spontaneity

I'm picking up

I'm moving on

I'm leaving [it] behind.

Don't bat your eye

Don't shed a tear

I know you wouldn't anyway.

Give me my heart

Leave it to die

It's never done me much good.

Take back your things

I'll leave you here

You're no concern of mine.

Welcome to move,

You're free to go

I've never held you back.

I won't turn my head

To see if you've gone

I'm leaving you here

Whether you like it

Or not; you've no choice

I'm leaving you now

Whether you like it

Or not; Finally

This final goodbye.

=\

I don't like where things are going.

Generally, I think a bunch of things could be more tight-knit in my life.

I remember life and the relationships inside it is a two-way street.

...

I've still got a lot to learn.

Incredible.

Music is amazing.

It's always an impressive thing to be stunned to silence because of a piece of music.

<3

Music is my life.

...Oh, and Eric Whitacre is AMAZING. -^.^-

In the near future (I hope) I'm going to put up memories of Graduation, parties, Youth Conference, and heaven knows what else. I might save them as a draft, I might not. Can't say.

That being said, I need to update my grateful journal while I'm reminding myself of these things. o.o

Summer is what it is. AMAZING! I still need a job, though. =\

Lets see... eye appointment, call back on job, family time after 2, and poems in every free spot I make available. (I have to have 29... I need 4-5 more. I'm in the home stretch, loves!)

Otherwise... shower, to make myself look halfway decent. =D

ttfn! (ta-ta for now!)

untouchable...

I think Mike put it best... "He's an untouchable. He's not supposed to leave."

And he's right. He's not.

::sigh::

Farewell, Leeb. I think I know a bit of how you felt when you found out your own band teacher died. =\

I'll stop his office tomorrow to give him a card and a flower. What can I say? I'm more sentimental than anything on this planet. ._.

Those who keep score never win

.. so why can't I remember that?

jealousy never got me anywhere. nor did self-pity.

...

August, and therefore moving to Utah, couldn't come any faster.

Fiction is my anti-drug

Yep. I love how I can get random ideas for stories almost anytime. It's great.


But then I never finish them, which is sad. =\


Still, I love my creativity. Even if I don't get to feel my sense of accomplishment. (But that's what my poems are for. HA!)


-^.^-

._.

I think I need reassurance that my life is NOT going to end after graduation.

I KNOW I need reassurance that we (being Anne/Mike/David/Kit and I) are always going to be friends. Maybe not with each other, but with me, at least. (Selfish? Sure.)

...


That, and I think I need a reminder about gray.

YAAAAWAAAAYYLEEEHOOOO!

Okay, I just want to make a shout-out to call attention to my fiction blog (titled "Logical Nonesense"; see the links column). I'll be updating it a bit more frequently, I think, for whatever reason. Also, take note of "Random Scenes of a Crazy Mind" which is, in fact, Anne's fictional blog.

I'd also like to point out that I am totally the one who started this. (Oh yeah, go me, woo!) ;)

That's all for now, I think. Except this:

7 MORE SCHOOL DAYS!

._.

In honour of Mother's Day...

In my church, the children get up and sing songs for their moms on Mother's Day. Usually the song they sing goes like this:

"I often go walking in meadows of clover,
And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.
I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over;
Dear mother, all flowers remind me of you."

Though, my mom says that whenever she hears that song, she thinks of a day when she was a child. She was walking home from school and cutting through a meadow. She was walking on the path when, lo and behold, a spider had built it's web across the path. She claims it was as big as her fist (but it keeps getting bigger every year). So she turned around and went the long way back home.

We hear that story every year, but it gets funnier every time. So, in spite of that, we made her a cake with a path and a fake spider on it. [I'll upload it soon.]

Here's to Mothers everywhere!
<3

Ü

I have regained a dream.

And I don't mean like, a sleeping-dream. I mean a thing I can possibly look forward to. I thing I can fight for. A thing that can help me become more than I am today.

And that dream contains one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen before in my life. -^.^-


Hoo boy! ;)

Gray vs. Grey?

I think I need a new brain. One that doesn't think the way mine does.

...Or I just need to get the motivation to do the homework in the classes I've been getting behind in since the musical.

Blergh. I want to get this story finished before I graduate! While I'm thinking about it: Michael, I need you to proofread the stuff I sent you, I need to get it done and out of the way. Thanks.

For the moment, I'm good. I think. Except that I learned that PESSIMISM is NOT the way to teach. The end.

Fruits has mentioned to us, "Someone is always listening or watching."

Though, I don't think many people take that seriously.

So, in accordance with that, think about what you are saying and doing. Remember that someone IS always watching. Because, in the long run, whatever you say might hurt someone or even your image.

Lesson learned both the easy and hard way.

Note: End log until after May 3rd.

Now I walk in beauty

Beauty is before me

Beauty is behind me

Above and below me

Now I walk in beauty

WHELL!

It's April. schmerrg.

(That reminds me; my brothers are making fun of me for all the "noises" I happen to make throughout the day. Does anyone else think this way? ...Supposedly, they're laughing with me and not at me, but I don't happen to be laughing.) >.>

::start ramble::

So I'm reading Hitchhikers Guide for the Galaxy (which I recommend highly, btw) and it's still one of the most amusing books I've ever read. The part I'm at now is talking about the creation and sudden demise of a bowl of petunias and a sperm whale. It's one of the greatest parts of the book. =)

Hmm, I ought to rent the movie now. Or buy it. Along with the other 2 Star Wars DVD's we somehow don't have in this house. (How did THAT happen?!)

OH! WE GET OUR PUPPY TOMORROW! We still don't have a name for it, but yeah... I can't go with to pick it up because of rehearsal (oh, the horror?), but I'll have my mom take pictures... of it's cute little black muzzle and it's cute little tongue that won't stay in it's mouth (one of the main reasons we picked it, really) and it's cuteness altogether. Then I'll post them on facebook!! (Or perhaps you guys can just come over on Friday and see it for yourself...? I like that idea.) =D

Hmm... I'm having mixed feelings about my creative mind and my imagination. Anyone else want it? I think I want a break. In fact, I think I'll be happy to hang out WITHOUT my brain for a weekend. Perhaps. =P

::end mindless ramble::

Erm... yeah. As of today, 30-some-odd days to graduation.

Yay?

Good to know I have an audience who doesn't believe in comments...

Yep.

Oh, and one thing:


UPDATE, YOU HYPOCRITES!!! D=


That is all.


End Captain's log.

235!

I'm going to college!! =D

And, after much pondering and prayer, I've decided to go to BYU.

I know, you're all like "OMGWTFBBQ! GAAAH YOU'LL BE A MILLION MILES AWAY! I'LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!", but I'll be back for summer and Christmas. (Besides, would we see each other much outside of that anyway?) Oh, I ought to mention, BYU doesn't have a spring break. But it happens. -shrug-

At this point, I'm just happy that I know where I'm going.

-^.^-

Oh yeah, and they offered me a scholarship equivalent to 25% of tuition. Hurrah!

:D

Okay, you can leave me your weeping comments now. ;)

Why should you be a priority
if I'm just an option?

Well.

If you don't need me, I don't need you.

My trust will remain in those who need me.

I refuse to be a fifth wheel for any longer.

Unless you can somehow prove to me that I'm entirely off base.

Have you got it in you?

Let's find out.

"I could calculate your chances of survival, but you wouldn't like it."

If you tell nine truths and a lie
Does that make the truths condemned by the lie?
What marks the difference between them?
One black spot is all it takes
To make nine truths and a lie
Into 10 lies

are tears a sign of weakness? or of strength?

I feel like I say "I need you"
More than you say "I need you"
Prove me wrong?

Hmm.

I'm sitting here, pondering.

One of my favourite things to do, ponder. And listen to music while I do so. Helps click things into place, really.

Y'know, it's when I ponder the deepest that I get ideas for stories.



Yet, lately, I haven't needed to ponder to come up with story-related ideas. I've just had to live my life, and ideas have come up by themselves.

Most of them, though, has come to involve a car, rides, and banter via email.


...And these scenes are not pretty.

I know what I want.


It just depends on what you're willing to give.

Happy Pokemon Day! ;D

I'd post the Pokerap, but I'm too lazy. =Þ

My audition for Les Mis was yesterday. It went alright, I suppose. Messed up a line, but I'm hoping that the rest of my song helped counteract it. But Friday's the day! (and I won't forget to text you, Mike.) I'm excited. And even if I don't make vocals, I'll do tech. Or something. Yeah.

Oh, and I have my senior pictures! If you want one, let me know. I'll open the box for you.

Hmm, what else? Not much, I'm thinking. OH! Wait, there is. And Anne, you might be interested in this...

Apparently, there's some national creative writing contest, and if you win, you get a full scholorship thingy to go to a creative writing camp for four days. It sounds exciting!

And while I'm thinking about it, I'm going to go dig around to find a suitable poem. ;D

See ya 'round!

Two chunks of lyrics I like, by Snow Patrol and Goo Goo Dolls, respectivly. Both very good bands, I recommend them both.

Please, don't go crazy if I tell you the truth
No, you don't know what happened
And you never will

Because no one needs to know
What goes on behind closed doors

interpretation, at last.

SPC was today, woo! T'was fun. But that's not the point of this post right now.


I think I've discovered the meaning to the mysterious phrase, "a blessing that burns."

Now, don't get your hair tied in a knot. I'm not ready to fully explain myself.

Not just yet.

But you'll see. In time, you'll understand.

When you're older
You will understand

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Vega-4-Biography/DEE129CF717AC3CC48256D45000A029F

This is why I love them.

This is why I love their music.

This is what I live for.

"Normal" is only a setting on the washing machine

Well, what's there to say? I'm in love and content with life.

My attitude could use a little adjustment, but then again, so could my weight. ;)

I went and took pictures at JC Penny today. Should get the prints in about a week (ask me for a wallet if you want one, but I'd like a current picture from you in exchange).

My last audition is tomorrow (for DePaul) and then it's back to memorizing my solo for the concerto competition at the very end of the month.

And after that, I worry about being accepted somewhere. (although I know you're all going to say "STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. YOU'LL BE ACCEPTED SOMEWHERE." at least you all have confidence!) ;Þ

Last pep band game tonite. Woo?

Oh, and I'm going to ask someone to turnabout on Tuesday morning.

Excitment!!

"Like I Never Loved You At All"

Where, where are the stars?
The one that we used to call ours
Can't imagine it now
We used to laugh 'til we fell down

The secrets we had, are now in the past
From something to nothing, tell me

How did we lose our way?
It's hard to remember
All that we shared
Now we both have separate lives
From lovers to strangers, now alone
There's no one catching my fall
No one to hear my call
It's like I never loved you at all

Now you're so far away
And I see our star is fading
One too many times
Guess it just got tired of waiting round

The nights that we thought, if these walls could talk
From something to nothing, tell me

How did we lose our way?
It's hard to remember
All that we shared
Now we both have separate lives
From lovers to strangers, now alone
There's no one catching my fall
No one to hear my call
It's like I never loved you at all

So now does he give you love?
Is it only me now
That's thinking of what we had and what we were
Oh, did you ever care?
Baby was I ever there?

How did we lose our way?
It's hard to remember
All that we shared
Now we both have separate lives
From lovers to strangers, now alone
There's no one catching my fall
No one to hear my call
It's like I never loved you at all

There are times we punish those who we need the most

Situation Number one
Its the one that's just begun
But evidently its too late
Situation Number two
Its the only chance for you
It's controlled by denizens of hate
Situation Number three
It's the one that no one sees
All too often dismissed as fate
Situation Number four
The one that left you wanting more
Tantalized you with its bait

-Jack Johnson, Situations

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be...

Crazy.

Somebody help me to know if this is the right thing to do.

Anyone?

I made a list of pro's and con's. They all cancel each other out. What should I do? I can't be sure.

I've heard loving someone doesn't make them love you. So what do I do now when they actually love me back (or at least think they do)?

Mrawr.

._.

Life goes on

Well, President Hinckley passed away last night. Please visit the following (and browse around to read about the wonderful things he did for the church):

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/

I'd appreciate it. If you don't relate to this right now, that's fine. I'll try to explain in the best way possible.

Pretend for a moment that your parents came home right now and told you that your grandfather had died. You are in shock, but you later realize that you had never met him, yet he had influenced so many things of yours (interest in music, animals, whatever). You are sad, yet you know he's in a better place [with his wife, no less].

It's kinda like that. It's just knowing that he cared so much for the youth, and did so much to help us be better people. Y'know?

Anyway. In remembrance of President Hinckley, 23 June 1910 to 27 January 2008, the 15th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...

Talk

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
or write a song nobody has sung
or do something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
and they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done

So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's talk
Let's talk, let's talk

Time
Neither speeding nor slowing
It's course is set
Slowly,
Unchanging.
Though seemingly flying faster
The more or less we pay attention
Nothing can be done.

I wish...

• people would tell each other how much they appreciate them more often
• people would make sure other friends knew how much they love them
• friends would support each other no matter what
• friends would never ignore a friendship, no matter what the situation
• people would be straightforward
• life's important decsions were spaced out over a couple more years...
• graduation was tomorrow
• I would stop feeling like this

It takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

But you don't understand that... do you

Missing friends that are at theatrefest... but by the time they read this, they'll be back home and I won't be lonely anymore.... which'll be good. =)

List for life in the next few days...

• Sociology final tomorrow
• Pep band game tomorrow night! We'll see how that turns out. We're facing Minooka...?
• Sleepover at Lindsey's house (after the game, ouch)
• LDS girls basketball the following morning. woo!
• Theatrefest people come home.

Busy, busy. When am I not, anymore?? Seriously.

Anyways... I'm off to study for my final! woo! ouch. >.>

I'm BAAAACK!

And aren't you just so happy to see me? [Or read my updated blog?] =P

Back from Utah, one of the only places on Earth where you can see 14 LDS temples in 2 hours! (That's when you're driving, by the way.) Haha, I've got some crazy stories (find the white Y on the side of the mountain that's covered in SNOW!) ... and awesome pictures! But I'll upload them after I practice.

Coconut bon-bon. Tastes like I'm eating fudge... (Oh wait, I am.)

nevermind if you don't get THAT reference... xD

Woo! Another short and sweet one. Doesn't that make you excited inside?

Utah post!

Short and sweet. At least, that's what I'm aiming for.

Quick word about "THE BREAKUP." *scary music plays in background* lol. just time to move on, I guess. y'know, see new people. (that's another "mormon" thing, btw... we're advised not to steady date for long periods of time.) plus, some things were kinda screwy, so all the better for that. (see me for details.)

Anyways, I'm in Utah! Odd to hear me saying that with a smile on my face, huh? lolz. Yep, this was just supposed to be a lesson for us to get aquainted, to see if we'd get along. Turns out, that was my AUDITION! Oh snap. It went pretty well, though, so no problems there. Still, one down, three to go. >.O meh.

Short and sweet is what I was aiming for. Do you agree?