Why it's the Y

http://knittinggnomeswap.blogspot.com/2007/06/hiking-y.html


My mom said I should be a history major. I think she's just a little crazy. ;)

So it turns out my roommate Vanessa has a facebook AND a blog! Weird, it's like we were meant to be. xD lawl! She's a senior, but she's nifty. =D I still have another roommate coming, and if I knew how to spell her name I would tell you it. She's coming later this week, I think.

Anyway, Utah is good so far. I start classes on the 2nd (as far as I've been told o.o) and the stairs are STILL killing me. The elevation is the worst part of the experience so far. Just wait til I get homework, I'm sure I'll change my mind. haha.

I'm realizing just how much I'm missing you guys, though. And I'm sad that you guys aren't updating your blogs, either. Don't leave me out of the loop just because I moves to another state! =( *pouty face*

Nomnomnom, time to go raid for some food. ;)

Later!

Well, here I am in Utah! and missing you all so terribly. ;)

Moving in has been good so far... my cousin Seth stopped by about a week before I flew out there and picked up all the bulky stuff and took it out there for me. ^.^ yay!

My apartment is nice. I haven't met my roommate yet; I don't know where she was, but I'm hoping to meet her tonite. (@Mike: I used my hoops&yoyo thing to leave a note for her! It made me excited.)

My cousin Megan is pretty cool, we hit it off right away. She already invited me to Thanksgiving (sorry guys) and offered that if I ever want to hang, I can call her and we can chill for the weekend. Woohoo!

Oh, and quick funny story: The altitude is so rawrgh here, I went up a flight of stairs and just about died. Hystericaly, there's this one stairway to campus (as opposed as stairway to heaven, though it's just about the same thing ;] ) and it's ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. There's like a hundred and some steps. And I'm not even kidding when I say it's uphill two ways. x.x

Anyway, more to come. I just posting a quick thing now.

Love,

~Rae

ps-I'm keeping my same phone number and area code, so you can reach me at it. (I'm an hour behind you guys, don't forget.) Also, if you want my address, message me for it and I'll get it to ya. I don't want crazy stalkers finding me. o.o
=)

I am completed.

I'm not quite OK alone, but I'm close. I'm getting there.

The steps to become who I want to be, not just who I am...

I'll make this be okay.

COLLEGE.

I leave on FRIDAY.

'nuff said.

So in one of my Coldplay songs is this line. It's so profound, and I've only just been reminded of the sheer weight of it's truth.

"You can say what you mean
But it won't change a sin."

Now, Coldplay has a lot of little inspirational, thought-provoking quotes like this, but that's besides the point. This one is particularly important to me, in light of past events. It's best if you don't ask if you don't already know.

However, these recent events have also reminded me in many, many ways that we are all human. Just because someone got a certain title or achievement does not make them a superhuman or perfect. Just because someone can do something faster, better, or more efficiently than someone else does not make them invulnerable to weakness in some way, shape, or form.

It's like the Visa/Olympic commerical - maybe we all cheer because we're human too.

So in the same way, we all are hurt because we're human, too.

I don't know why things happened the way they did, but I, nor anyone, can change what's happened. We can only learn and press forward.


ps. God, I put my life in your hands. I am too ignorant to know what is best. Teach and lead me to walk in the light. u.u

Just a quick note:

Michael Schwartz is incredible. If he tells you otherwise, don't believe it, because it's not true.

His creativity far surpasses mine, as do his compliments (when he's generous enough to give them). 

Oh, and another thing: He can be quite the charmer, but he's better as a brother than anything else. 

;D

ily, bro! <3

And now for a positive update!

I have a job! =D

It's at Showplace. I train for a week, work a week and a half, and they're letting me work over christmas break and come back for next summer! So nice of them. =D

Obviously, I'm ecstatic, so I can't really talk about anything else.

ily!

But that was when I ruled the world

I didn't make the BYU colorguard.

Sad... but only worth a couple tears. I suppose I feel so depressed about it because everyone else thought I could make it, so in turn I believed that I might have a chance. I thought for a moment that I might be able to do it. I might have an honest-to-goodness, real, sure chance.

But I think I doubted all along. Why would they pick me, some nobody from the middle of Illinois who thinks she can spin a flag? Or a rifle?

Maybe it's because I don't want to face everyone and say that I didn't make it, when everyone was so sure that I could. 

I can't let people down. It's a weakness of mine. So when I do let them down, I beat myself up for it when it wasn't even my fault. Even when I have nothing to do with the problem. Even when I have no say in the matter.

It hurts, but it shouldn't. I need to turn this around into a positive...

But I can't. The whole time when my talents have been developing, I've been the best by default. Bassoon, flag, who knows what else... 

Taste the reality, people. Taste the awful bitterness.

-tear-