hmm.

so it's supposed to snow tonight. a bit. it won't stick, so don't get your hopes up, people! the ground's too warm.

listening to train.

thinking about the pep band practice tonight. should be fun, eh! I just like the music. so much. it makes me happy. :)

thinking I'm really cold right about now. stupid house...

looking for the beatles bassoon quartet that I heard at solo & ensemble last year. not having much luck, but I WILL track it down!

and I told the like of my life (I'm boycotting the L-word -gasp!- :P) that I like him. maybe I oughta give you the story?

so I went to seminary, as usual. I almost didn't go today because I went to the temple last night and thought I would be tired. (I prayed last night that if I woke up and wasn't tired, I would go to seminary and tell him I like him. I asked God to make me tired enough to not go if I shouldn't say anything.) But hey, I wasn't tired! so I went, I got there when class was about to start, so I was like "stuart, I have to talk to you later." he goes ok and we have the lesson, talk about D&C 61-63, boom! class is over. I put my scriptures away and he comes up to me in the -dark- hallway and sez "what is it?" and I go "I think I like you." he shrugs. I shrug and sez "maybe I'm crazy?" he shrugs agin and sez "I dunno, maybe you are." and then we both shrug a few more time and then I sez "do you like me?" (dumb question to ask, I'm sure. gimmie a break, this is my first time.) and he sez "I dunno, I never really thought about it before. but this made me wonder, cuz he told me a story. I'll relay it to you, eh?

so he was riding in his best friends car (becuz it was their turn to drive) and his friend's dad says "so, theo! (his best friend) you're 16 now. any first dates yet?" theo says no. his dad goes oh and asks stuart. "so! stuart! you're 16 too, aren't you? have any first dates yet?" stuart also says no. theo's dad suggests that he gets one. stuart told me that then he thought it would be so funny if I were his first date. haha, funny? made me realize that he was thinking about me though. hmm. hint? or random ramblings of my mind?

I can't make heads or tails of it. gah. hit me hard enough to wake me!

Me: but guess what! awkwardness forcasted for seminary tomorrow...

Mike: With a slight chance of hope.

Mike: And overcasted letdowns when that doesn't happen.

Me: and crazy is added to the forecast. all week!

Mike: All day, everyday.

Me: all year.

if that ain't the truth, I dunno what is. heh, and I thought I was going to make this a short post. guess not. happy reading! if you didn't read through all that, you might want to. I don't think I'll be posting agin for a while.

goodnight! going to sleep until it's ok for me to wake up.

@};~

headlights on a dark road, showing me my path

I will find him tomorrow at seminary and say all. it will mean the most and I will be able to see the look in his eyes. and the glint or darkness that is in them will tell me, and I will know. and then I won't have to suffer anymore.

yeah. sitting here with a culvers concrete (yummy, brownie bits!) and listening to a very... emotionally distressing song. making my mood more interesting. tffit. oh well. life goes on, I suppose, right? it has to. and I sound emo agin. goshes.

so life is good. chirstmas is coming around, and I hardly have a grasp of what I want/ what I'm getting people. I'm getting one person a tie, two people books, one person a box full of fun stuff, and I'm not sure about everyone else. I know I'm getting everyone fudge, but I have to work on that part... I hope no one's allergic to anything. :P plus, I have to get everyone something un-edible. I mean, how would you remember? exactly: you wouldn't! so I'm working on it.

yes, so I think I might go now. I've made this as long as it needs to.

~Rayla

For once I want to be the car crash
Not always just the traffic jam
Hit me hard enough to wake me
And lead me wild to your dark roads
My tongue is lost, oh, I can't tell you
Please just see it in my eyes
I pull up thorns from our ripped bodies
And let the blood fall in my mouth
Headlights... before me
So beautiful, so clear
Reach out... and take it
Cuz I'm so tired of all this fear

@};~

gone, like yesterday

and there, my friends, goes another wasted moment. a missed opportunity. a chance to tell everything you need to.

the only second you had to tell him you love him.

re-thanksgiving and more

So yesterday was the OEHS fine arts re-Thanksgiving! (it was originally for speech/drama people, but I'm not in either, so it's simplified to 'fine arts' now.) and holy cow, it was AMAZING. I love all that went! We got there, talked for a bit and prayed over the food. Let me tell you it was the most interesting prayer I've ever been in. oO Pretty much everyone was chucking in things to pray for. it was so casual... anyways! I brought a dish of yams with a brown sugar/cinimon/walnut glaze stuff and it was all gone when I got my dish back! Zack took the rest because he liked it so much, but eh. I've got another full plate, so it's better he took it. :) Oh, and I found out what the difference between yams and sweet potatoes are! yams are from south america and sweet potatoes are from america, but they're used so interchangably in our culture that everyone doesn't care or doesn't notice. eh, whatever! it works.

I saw happy feet before the party too! was nice. they displayed it to be a comedy though, when it obviously was not. regardless, it was cool.

real thanksgiving was good too! had 20 other neighbors come and chill out. mostly people from our old ward. was excellent. maybe I told you about that already, maybe I didn't...?

ah well. good times have come, and I've found the secret to my life. I can't tell you what it is; that's for you to find out on your own.

It's not as easy as willing it all to be right
Gotta be more than hoping it's right
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me, tired with joy

~Rayla

@};~

ATV-ing on country roads!

oh my.

so my parents friend took us up north so we could go ATVing and the ride up there was FABULOUS. I love the country, just being away from everything. I'm still wondering to myself is I'd be able to live out there. Y'know, for the future and whatnot. Or maybe I could have a summer-home!

Oh, to dream.

Anyways! so we got there, admire the view, then go for a BETTER RIDE! burr hokey, tis roight! -shakes head- sorry, flipping accents. anywho! drove around on the ATV and had some fun with that for a good three hours and got really tired and came home. mind you it was two hours there and back so I'm just saying thank goodness for two cars! phew.

anyways, I'm really tired, so I'll be going to bed shortly. after I decide whether or not to tell my crush about my feelings.

wish me luck?

~Rayla

@};~

hilarious bits of interesting conversations...

(at IMEA saturday, when ushering:)

Woman: Excuse me, where can I find the bathroom?
Mike: Down the hall, to the right, and it shold be on right.
[Lady walks away]
Me: It should be there? You make it sound like it moves.
Mike: I was just thinking that!

(we laughed about that every time one of us said that. Eventually we changed it to "it will be on your right" so we wouldn't laugh when we said it.)

(ten-ish minutes ago:)

Me: watcha been up to?
Mike: No good...>.>
Me: nothing good? why...?
Mike: No reason...>.>
Me: I'm worried.
Mike: >.>
Mike: Alright, I'll spill it.
Me: yay.
Mike: Well...
Mike: ...
Mike: I'm pregnant.
Me: haha, I was wondering why you were getting fat.
Mike: T_T
Me: and then you'll be a proud....parent. won't that be lovely! we should start planning for the baby shower!
Mike: *_*
Me: I'll support you no matter what!
Me: I'm sure liana will too.
Me: if I may ask, who's the other...parent?
Mike: Liana.
Mike: She forced me into marige!
Mike: *sob*
Me: well I thought you like her.
Mike: But not enough to maryr her!
Mike: Hello!
Me: sheesh. well why didn't you say "i don't"?
Mike: I did!
Mike: And then, it was TERRIBLE!
Mike: She FORCED me!
Mike: *sob*
Mike: I don't know what to do...
Mike: Yes, I know what to do.
Me: be a good parent and support your wife.
Mike: I'm going to eat breakfast.
Me: lol.

(Definitley think that's the best conversation I've ever milked. haha, lol! I'll have to show this to Li and see if it's true. :D)

(At seminary:)

[I notice pink glittery stuff on my sleeve]
Me: Stuart!
Stu: What?!
Me: Stop using my sleeve as a tissue!
Stu: I didn't! (he totally didn't go along with it and was so lost.)
Me: Yes, you did! I saw you!
Stu: But...
Me: No excuses! I want you to apologize!
Stu: But I didn't do it!
Me: Yes you did! Stop lying! You're a bad mormon, you liar!
Stu: (pouting face)
Me: Geez, Stuart, I'm only kidding.
Stu: Oh, geez, I thought you were serious!

(I'm so awesome sometimes. Drama has helped me act serious in funny situations. YES! wonderful stuff.)

My bro: It's so isosolated.

Family: You mean "isolated?"

My bro: Whatever.

Family: There's a difference you know...

My bro: I know that!

Family: Do you know the difference?

My bro: ...

Me: For one, isosolated isn't even a word...

(it was funnier at breakfast.)

There were more awesome random conversations I had, but I can't remember them. Until next time!

~Rayla
@};~

there's a first time for everything...

So today in gym, we were in the dance room because we weren't swimming (pump was broke?). We "watched" half a movie, and after it was over, I stood up and looked at one of the full body sized mirrors that line the walls.

I liked what I saw.

For the first time, I honestly liked myself for me. And only for a fleeting moment, I thought I was so important...

But, of course, then I see everyone else around and realize if they liked me as much as I liked myself, they would've at least said hello. (I was isolated.)

They joys of having an aunt coming to stay. For Thanksgiving, no less. Tch.

In other news, editing is going well. Sent my first one to little P (cuz I needed someone new to critique) and she's going to be critisizing that. (small thing I'm worried about: she leaves it out and her brother finds it and reads it. oO) Anyways. Re-read my second and third one and it hurt. Not because it was bad, but that I was astounded that I described it in such away that it physically hurt... I surprise myself in such random, good ways.

Anyways.

Wishing I could think of new characters and plot,

~Rae

@};~

ps- probably not going to be on much over the holiday. You know how my parents are with internet... so yeah.

HERE'S TO:

-ping pong games with you mom

-and dying after laughing so hard after a ball went flying in the wrong direction

-awesome band people that live for music

-awesome choir people that live for music

-SPECTACULAR orchestra people that breathe music

-IMEA being at our school

-and reminding myself that I could do that someday for the rest of my life

-spending so much time with my best friends in the world

-reading over past things and realizing that no matter how old you get, you still understand

-and then realizing that you feel the same way about it

-music in general

-friends in general

-life in general

Wishing time went slower and that you had courage to speak,

~Rachael

@};~

RANT

I'm proud of myself. I've got a crush. huzzah, someone to think about when I'm bored! ...

anyways. I hurts like crap, inside and out, and my mind's going in a frilly. I hate those. y'know, getting in one of those moods where I'm all like EMO but not. and then I fantasize about this and that and it hurts to think and then my mother comes and starts yelling at me and saying that I three-wayed the number 4998839 too many times and how I don't practice enough and this and that and then my dad is like "I'll let you go on for a while until we leave" and then when my internet connects he walks in and says "we're leaving!" and then I've got cramps and the IMEA concert is tomorrow and I'm still kinda upset that I didn't make it...

argh, and there goes my timer. :(

just as a quickie, I've found that I can comfortably sing about 2 and a half octaves. (D below middle C to A above one octave C.) is that good? I don't know what a good range is. I'll have to look it up.

Yeah. just stopping by.

~Rayla

@};~

MUSIC IS LIKE CANDY: YOU THROW AWAY THE (W)RAPPERS

So as I was looking through past poems and such, I found one that I wrote about 6 months ago. Not only did I blow myself away, but I realized that this poem was written then so it could help me now. It was the strangest thing. Fortunatley for me (and sadly for you?), I will not share it, as it assesses some rather personal things. Anne, I believe you may have read it before.

On a lighter note, I shall be attempting to teach Zack theory (as he has no time in his schedule for it). That will be interesting enough, once I figure out when we're going to do it. I'm going to hope for Tuesday or Wednesday. :)

Oh, on a much more important thing, I get to go to the temple! yeehaw! Nov. 29. yup! I haven't been there since April...I remember that day because I had to skip a play practice for it... heh. that was exciting. and speaking of plays, I think I'm going to see if I can convince my parents to let me try out for the musical this year. That'd be fun, huh! If my parents would agree to me being gone for a few days each week... hmm.

fwah, nothing else to update on. oh, the dance was fun last night! this one guy danced with me at least a half a dozen times....oh, and Mike, I've shortened the contestant list to... two. :)

and randomly, taelore's coming to orchestra with me tomorrow! yay! we need clarinets like crazy mad style. :/

anyways, toodles!

~Rayla

sheesh, and I thought this was going to be an interesting story...

fwah, so after school (after music theory, of course, with a teacher-less class, lol) I go outside. realitivly early after school lets out (5 minutes after oO) and I see a big column of black smoke down harvey (towards aurora). so, being courious and spontaneous, I decide to go see. so I turn out of the school on harvey and follow it until it turns into hill. Then I follow that for a while until hill turns into galena. then I follow galena until it ends (well, not end, but I can't go the opposite way on a one-way road) and I turn towards the direction of this smoke.

now, by this time, I was the middle of aurora by now, and for those of you who don't know, aurora can be pretty scary.

so I turn on ohio, follow that until it ends, and then see this HUGE fire. I'm like, OMG! but then I see a sign that says, "Aurora Fire Training." so then I'm all disapointed that this smoke column you can see from oswego was just a training session, and I hardly know where the heck I am! so I EVENTUALLY turn around and come back home.

sheesh. and I thought I was going to have something of interest to talk about.

so I'm at school, and barsh ain't here, so we were sitting in the hallway hanging out. then josh has to go and get leeb so he's watching us do nothing. I would rather sit out in the hall doing nothing then have a teacher sit and watch us do nothing. would you? no se.

fwah, so the next chance I get, I'm going to get a fictionpress username and post mis novelas. oh yeah. that's nothing to shake a stick at. (wha?... I guess that means I'm OLD to use that saying.)

jello jiggles like a fat mans belly

that was becky. she stole the keyboard.

nuh uh ...i just took it

same idea. anyways. she's making me listen to some japanese/tokyo techno or something crazy like that....and it's making me upset almost.... same thing over and over and over and over...

fwah. anywha! I've been so hyper happy this last week, it's been so great. it's like, I can't get mad! in a good way, I think. liek, I'll still get annoyed and crap, but not like, mad. me gusta. maybe the play gave me a sense of self accomplishment or soemthing. GAH!!! becky makes me listen to fray......they make me happy...... :) :) :) :)

I oughta go...

she made a becky noise that sounded like this......ahem......fwah! in a really high voice.

yes, thank you becky...again. ew, I just remembered, swimming started in gym, and it sucked. more on that later, barch just walked in. LATER!

~Rayla
@};~

Atra nosu waíse fricai.

props to whoever can guess what my header says/where it's from! actually, maybe I'll make food for you. :) everybody likes chocolate, right?

so yes. I got the "hall of the mountian king" techno song from Mike. finally. lol, it's the greatest song in the world! one of these days, I'll figure out what song I'm doing for share your music...and this song is definitly up there. within the top ten. oh yeha!

fwah. so I'll be alone tonight (not again, not again, lol), with the MB party going on. I can't go, though I really wish I could. maybe my parents will let me go for an hour or so. I already ate, so they won't have to worry about food. wot. no se. or maybe I'll just stay here and EDIT my freaking STORY which MIKE wants me to PUBLISH on FANFICTION.COM, which is HARD because the STYLE I wrote it in THEN is so much DIFFERENT from when I would write something NOW..... so I want to scrap it cuz it SUCKS but I have sequels, so I can't. (don't know where that random whole uppercase words came from. I got bored, lets say, eh?) gr, so I basically have to re-write the whole thing, but keep the same plot line. shouldn't be too hard, huh? fwah, hard for me when I've kept this "originality" for three years.... years! that's a long time, is it not? gah! right.

so yeah, I just realized that technically I went on a date friday night. after my play. spiffy. I went to wendy's, we got food, hung out until other highschoolers invaded the place, then went to his house. it was funny, he was like, "you know, we're breaking the rules." (cuz he's mormon too.) I go, "How?" "Just you and me, here, by ourseleves." I told him that it wasn't because it was spontaneous, but now that I think about it, he was probably right. which leads me to my question for you:

was it a date?

I don't think it was, but heck, what do I know? Ok, so is it obvious I like him? Maybe a little? NO NAMES WILL BE REVEALED! for chance you might meet him. :) whoops! that was about to be a huge hint, was it not? gah, I'm not very good at this, are I? oO

~Rayla

@};~

WOOT!

so, sadly (or happily?), my play is over. if you didn't see it, SHAME ON YOU! It was good. The playright's mother showed up. appreantly, if the playright wasn't in NY, he would've come to see it! how crazy is that?! beforehand though, I was all freaking out and crap, and brendan kept poking fun at me. silly man.

so yeah, more randomness to follow tomorrow, I've got to go to bed. I shouldn't even be on. And my parents are getting cranky... -gasp!- I'm outa here. nightynight! sweet dreams! if you remember them, let me know, wot! supposedly I'm good at interpreting...?

~Rayla

@};~