Sad... but only worth a couple tears. I suppose I feel so depressed about it because everyone else thought I could make it, so in turn I believed that I might have a chance. I thought for a moment that I might be able to do it. I might have an honest-to-goodness, real, sure chance.
But I think I doubted all along. Why would they pick me, some nobody from the middle of Illinois who thinks she can spin a flag? Or a rifle?
Maybe it's because I don't want to face everyone and say that I didn't make it, when everyone was so sure that I could.
I can't let people down. It's a weakness of mine. So when I do let them down, I beat myself up for it when it wasn't even my fault. Even when I have nothing to do with the problem. Even when I have no say in the matter.
It hurts, but it shouldn't. I need to turn this around into a positive...
But I can't. The whole time when my talents have been developing, I've been the best by default. Bassoon, flag, who knows what else...
Taste the reality, people. Taste the awful bitterness.
-tear-
No comments:
Post a Comment