I'm sure it'll trickle through the grapevine sooner or later (or maybe not, considering the circumstances), but man. You picked a good time to move out of the ward, brotha-friend.

Considering the timing of the conversation we had yesterday, holy weirdness Batman.

or rather, holy sad day, Mr. Theopolis.

....

I said too much, I'm sorry, don't kill me D:>

yum.

I must say, that is rather dashing.

:P

I'm in the middle of a peanut butter phase, can you tell? teehee.

what matters to you doesn't matter to me.

what matters to me doesn't matter to you.

what matters to you doesn't matter to them -

what matters to them doesn't change anything.

Out of nowhere

You came

From a little dust

And a little rain

And when I looked down at

Your face

It showed to me

The truth in grace

I will always try to keep you very safe.

---

I know you can overcome this and become the man you've always wanted to be.

I can't express my feelings and thoughts in words, but I hope you understand.

I hope my feelings of trust and hope in your future makes its way to your guitar. It seems like that's the best place to get you.

---

I won't always

Be this strong

And I won't always

Be the one

To kiss the bruise

Or heal the scrapes

To wipe the tear drops

From your face

But I will always love you more each day.

My emotions are the most inconsistent things ever.

I was a crumbling mess of myself until Sunday when I started serving and getting back into the swing of things. Monday and Tuesday weren't bad either, nothing ridiculous (except for a flighty email from my teacher inviting me to a party with the rest of the studio).

Today, though, I had to spent a couple hours in the HFAC. It gave me a headache and I was in the worst mood after I left. Granted, some of it was because I was tired and hungry, but it just... blah.

And now, thinking about the studio and what I'm doing, I don't know where I belong. I fit into my ward, but that's all about to change. I used to fit in my studio, but now I'm not going to be with them as much anymore. I used to know where I was going, but now I've lost the path.

I'm still going back to God, but that's really all I'm sure about.

Tonight, I knelt in the middle of my room with my heart on a table before God. I asked him what to do with it. He couldn't tell me.

I began to cry.

All at once my roommates came in and, with a head on each shoulder, they began to comfort me that words can not even describe.

With my face half buried in Andrea's shoulder and the rest covered by my hand, I couldn't help but ask, "Why?" Why did He take away quite possibly the only thing I've ever wanted? Why, after all the prayers and blessings did I still fail?

The tears trickled down my arm, and I couldn't help it. Why?

I know because He closed this door He'll open a window somewhere.

But it hurts.

I have failed.

But time will still move, with or without me. Gotta remember to embrace the other blessings God has given me.

But I need time.

I have been asked to back off.

Not by the person I'm trying to help, but by God.

So, if you happen upon this, I'm sorry. I can't help you anymore. Not because I don't want to, but because God says he's trying to take care of you in the best way that he knows how. You just have to be patient.

"Just have a little patience."

It'll work out.

And that's literally the last thing I can say.

three words.

you can probably guess what they are.

they're too much and not enough at the same time.

ever feel that way?

so I found a site today that provides an alternative to shampoo.

I think, in the summer, I'm going to try it. just to see. just for fun!

what's life without a little experimentation??

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends, is like having your dog die and your mum saying you can still keep it.

I know life has to be tough for it to be worth it, but confusion is no bueno.

darnit!

you know something is weird/wrong when you're registering for classes on the same day as your freshman friends. ¬_¬