leaving so soon? it's just a bad dream

You must think I'm a fool
So prosaic and awkward and all
D'you think you've got me down?
D'you think I've never been out of this town?
Do I seem too eager to please to you now?
You don't know me at all
I can't turn it on, turn it off like you now
I'm not like you now
Now you're here
I bet you're wishing you could disappear
I'm trying to be kind
I get the feeling you're just killing time
You look down on me
Don't you look down on me now
You don't know me at all
A slap in the face
In the face for you now
Just might do now
You're leaving so soon
Never had a chance to bloom
But you were so quick
To change your tune
Don't look back
If I'm a weight around your neck
Cos if you don't need me
I don't need you
Leaving so soon, soon
Leaving, leaving so, soon
You're leaving so soon
Never had a chance to bloom
But you were so quick
To change your tune
Don't look back
If I'm a weight around your neck
Cos if you don't need me
Then I don't need you

just run. don't wait for me, don't stop. don't look back. don't wait for me, don't look back! just run. flee. go away from me, go away. run, don't look back, just take yourself and leave me to rot. don't make me believe things that aren't there. don't make me believe lies that I create for myself. just leave... don't turn back, don't look at me. don't touch me. don't look. especially my eyes. I'm just so scared, that someday you'll look inside them and see everything inside of me launching out of the hole that is impossible for me to cover up. just run. and don't look back...

Why do I have to fly
Over every town up and down the line?
I'll die in the clouds above
And you that I defend, I do not love
I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Where will I meet my fate?
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend
I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Wouldn't mind it
If you were by my side
But you're long gone
Yeah you're long gone now
Where do we go?
I don't even know
My strange old face
And I'm thinking about those days
And I'm thinking about those days
I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Wouldn't mind it
If you were by my side
But you're long gone
Yeah you're long gone now

lame title.

y'know, I think I'll be starting to update very frequently, since I am being tempted by a computer all of third hour.

well, congrats to blogger! there's currently 1000 blogs up and running. good for them, I like being part of a small-ish community. :D lol.

okay you guys, here's the deal. give me your top three favorite animals and I will tell you something about what those animals represent. but for now, a story that I've been meaning to put on here for a while....

creative writing -- traveling story (when the class wasn't so horrific)
It was a dark and stormy night...
and people were running into oncoming traffic.
It was so crazy that a man walking his dog got run over by a semi-truck.
His body was smeared across the road like jelly.
No one could have predicted the disaster that could have come from our own government.
A lady walking her dog stops to...
see what the comotion was about when a man stole her purse.
Then Superman appeared and saved the chickens.
The chickens gave their regards to the brave Superman.
And then Darth Vader came out with a Kryptonite lightsaber...
to spoil the heroic work done by Superman.
Just then, the sky began to fall.
The benevolent might of the two superbeings made the sun start to explode, but just then!
Bob Villa built a protective shelter with the help of MacGuyver out of three paperclips and ten pounds of cedar hardwood.
A woman began to wail, and a baby fell out of her big belly.
Michael Jackson swooped by on his magic carpet and stole the baby.
-deleted for content-
And then the chickens came back and destroyed the world.
THE END.

ta-da! *8*

yay for half days when you take an ACT in school.

overview of yesterday: took ACT at school, went to Panera with Mike, Kit, Yesi, Hil and Adam. *(was much a pat-tay!)* Then Mike went with Adam and Hil to Grahm Cracker *(or something)* while Kit, Yesi and I went to Kit's house to get music and play KH. *(<3)* Yesi borrowed the book that Kit was trying to read but never got to, so now Yesi has "Practical Magic" instead of Kit. *(yes, I mean the book practical magic that the chick-flick movie is based off of. :D)* Then the three of us went back to the school because we didn't want to do anything else. helped with set and practice, took Mike, Kit, and Yesi home. Kit was dropped off and the seatbelt got stuck in the door, so Mike leaned over and tryed to fix it. *(he was in the back seat.)* He opened the door, moved the seatbelt, closed the door, and the handle fell off. Took Yesi home, freaked out, drove halfway to Mike's house before turning around to convince my parents that it wasn't my fault. *(Mike, I think we can look back at this and laugh now. They, being my parents, have no idea.)* So then I go and drop off Mike, come home, eat dinner, then watch HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE. Very well done, highly recomend it.

Oh, and people are going emo. WHY ARE PEOPLE GOING EMO!!!!

.... I'm good. not that these oranges are.

//::RELIGIOUS NOTE (that you might not understand)::\\

randomly, last night, I just started sobbing. for no reason. at all. it was really weird. but anyway, all I could think about doing is getting down on my knees and just praying with everything in me. it was amazing, looking back at it. It just took everything out of me. and my faith grew! just like.... watching a flower grow in fast-motion. it was so cool.

Anyways...

FYI

for those of you who have looked at my profile recently(which would be all zero of you), the blog called "coming not-so-soon" was taken off, just until I have some time to write some more and find out where I want it to go. when I start posting chapters, I will put it back on.

just so ya know.

lol, Hil!

See, I don't like leaving my comment box open all that much because no one really comments on here anyway. not many people come by my neck of the woods all that much.... but just for you, I'll leave the comment box open every third post. if I remember. how's that? not that many people will stop by and say hi, but... anyways. onto the post!

if there's anything that I really love about my house, it's the backyard/southern side and part of the front, for obvious reasons if you've ever been to my house. guesses? okay, you all fail. I <3 MY GARDEN! it's going to be so nice, my parents are going to plant more bushes and whatnot around, making more places to hide (for ghost in the graveyard :D)! it's going to be so pretty. YAY FOR THE GARDEN.... but BOO to the neighbors that put up a fence behind the roses. >.< communists. jk.

oh, turns out I'm going to Hawaii this August. arent you jealous? I'm not, an 8 hour plane trip does not tickle my fancy. did you know there's a BYU-Hawaii? Yea, us crazy mormons know what we're doing. :D except out of state tuition is CRAZY for Hawaii. madness. there is no way anyone will get me to go to BYU! EVER!

... anyways. lunch soon.

I'm excited. hopefully I can drag Anne to my prom this weekend. I just have to make sure her dress fits the standards, or they're going to give her a shrug at the door. :O they're very strict about these sorts of things. no matter. it will be SO FUN! wholesome music and gentlemanly guys, and no dirty dancing! tis good to be LDS. :D ooooh yeah.

um, I think that's all for now... everyone keep a prayer in their heart for our friends... espcially for our friends at school.

...

A week from yesterday will be PROM! I'm so happy. mormon prom, w00t! :D I'm so lame.

erm, nothing outside the ordinary. as far as I know. but what do I know? nothing!

oO

um, yeah. don't take that like I'm emo, I'm just... high strung. tense. upset. hyper. geez, what AM I? other than human? ugh... I need a nice comfy pillow and for the sun to go away.

I do not want this week to start. let's have another three day weekend! or maybe I'll just go to bed early and skip seminary. no, I've skipped enough days this year. lets shoot for early bedtime.

'night!

:D

(singsong)I just got my hair cut! ... and it looks reeeelly goooood.....

it's like a ton off my shoulders! I'll bet I lost a few puonds thanks to that. :D

him: Good night
him: ..
him: Peroid.
me: and a good one to you too.
him: Lots of them.
him: ..
him: .
him: .
him: .....
him: .
me: .
him: .
me: .
him: .
me: .
me: .
him: ....
me: .
him: ...
me: .........
him: ..
me: .
me: .
him: .
him: ..
him: .
me: .
me: .
him: ..
me: good night.
me: .
me: .
him: ,
him: !
him: COMMA!@
me: that's a comma!
him: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
me: and that's an exclamation point.
me: :D
me: you rock
him: >.<
him: >?<:?M">?@@#$%$#%>?<:?M?J!
him: Night.
me: <3

BASS CLEF-ERS

fight the mainstream of music! treble cannot be dominant any longer... bass clef must have love too! bass clef-ers, UNITE! and screw those treble clef-ers! DEATH TO UPPPER WOODWINDS!

...schwa!

life sentence

but look: you leaped, you fell. you got back up. maybe next time you'll pack a parachute?

courtesy of Michael, but I didn't fall. I merely tripped. I know I keep saying that, but some people don't seem to believe me.

I am alive! I think we take that for granted sometimes.

I read a bumper sticker this morning, it said something like "isn't it a little hypocritical for you to be for abortion when you've already been born?" which is why I'm 100% for abstinence. :D haha!

it's almost lunchtime. I'm such a nerd, I think I'm going to trip again. :O Someone help me catch my footing before I step on the crack!
<.< >.>
errr, nevermind. maybe I'll practice keeping something to myself. although, I have to say, I kept the mayo problem under control for while... until Mike found out. >< darn you! lol.

man, I can't work on a compter for longer than 30 minutes before getting distracted. not good. it's a wonder I'm not behind in this class yet.

drama after school and a project that needs to be finished and YW tonite. I will be soooo tired tomorrow. Not like I'm already soooo tired, but still.

today is the 19th. guess what happens in a month? ... DamnYankees will be over. :'C oh well, live with the moment! I can't wait until we add the pit....

oh yeah! I'm getting my hair cut on the 28th, 27th if the lady isn't able to do it then. I'm so excited! any suggestions? I'll leave the comment box open to rot for that.

Oh, I thought of an awesome name (actually, I kinda got the idea from a word verification box when I was leaving a comment somewhere). It's "Yevaira". Isn't that cool? I like it. NOONESTEALIT! I'll come after you.... !

I'm so random with my less-than-four-sentence paragraphs. :P oh well. I'll be off now, lunchtime!

and I wonder... did it do any good? did I do anything right? did it mean anything at all...

The gift of memory is an awful curse...

humm. its finally wednesday.

if anyone's bored, go to youtube and search "kiwi". its about a kiwi who nails trees to the side of a cliff, and then he jumps off the side of the cliff to feel like he's flying. but... then he hits the ground. actually, some guy made it for a final at some college. quite interesting, but sad. :( yeah, I'm too lame to figure out how to get it on here.

does anyone else think this is turning into a diary-blog? I could change that.

looking forward to the band fest on the 30th... ooh, I still have to send a note to Mr. Tham... yay for reminders.

I'm in an isketch mood... too bad it doesn't work on this computer. darn school. :P I wonder if any IM will work on here.... hmm.

I'm so odd. I hate my randomness. Actually, I'm not very pleased with anything about myself right now. Except for the fact that I know how to do.... oh, two or three good things with myself. And the fact that I have faith. but that's it.

Anne, that Avatar we watched last night was horrible. I liked it, but my mind got messed up afterwards. grr.

Your Heart Is An Empty Room
Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see is where else you could be when you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
'Cause you knew you were finally free

'Cause all you see is where else you could be when you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

hehe, MEEP!

This weekend was an exciting one, if ever!

Friday - nite I spent the evening with the boys (Mike & David). We watched Batman Begins and played games. Funness! Probably one of my better Friday nites. :D

Saturday - ACT in the morning (one of my worse runs, I'll admit) and WICKED in the afternoon. funny, I almost put an S where the C is. funny what one letter can do to the meaning of the word. haha, WISKED!

Sunday - Plain and simple enough, isketch was exciting enough when we had no idea what a "towhee" was, or whatever it was called. then I took a trip down memory lane.... man, I was emo and there is still some of that in me today. rawr. I need help getting it out. anyone mind if I vent?

and today, seminary was cancelled because the fire alarm kept going off. :D

oh yeah. exciting weekend, hopefully we can make it to the end of the year without any more 3 day weekends. XP hopefully.

I hate dilemmas. that's all I can say.

Man... I need help.

Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And you stopped running months ago

title? I need no title!

Ugh, I'm so achy! I don't even know what I did, but everything hurts when I move...

Volleyball was fun last night. Not really much to say about that, except the boys won... tch, they didn't have to play on the cursed side of the gym twice! not fair. -.- oh well. it was still fun.

lets see.... no school today, and I'm still home. WHY! ...probably cuz I have to study for the ACT tomorrow. oh yeah! I get to see wicked tomorrow. for the first time. DONTBEATMEUP! :D haha so I won't be home at all tomorrow... meh.

erm, yah. I'm gonna go now.

oh, MIKE! GUESS WHAT! THIS IS HORRIBLE! we got a new mouse for the computer, and I can't draw on isketch with it! LITERALLY! what are we going to do! ...

[chirp chirp] <-- crickets!

I suppose I'll make a post with an open comment box, eh? not that anyone will use it.

In the meantime, I'll go find/revise/create my masterpieces with words while the comment box rots... for a little offer I made yesterday nite.

check it!

So, uh, Mike....

my shirt just dried. after your milk incident. agggh, it touched your mouth! I'M CONTAMINATED! ...

hmm. nothing else to say, really. except that Mike, Ryan and I are still laughing for no good reason. :D

daily dream decoder [from random days that I liked.]

Pain
Physical
Pain in dreams is an interesting phenomenon. Sometimes, a peculiar sleeping position becomes the trigger event for a painful dream. It's the body's way of saying, Hey stupid, roll over. However, the ability of the brain to produce physical stimuli that match the dream event is an amazing thing. It makes dreams that are emotionally realistic even more real.

Many times, the pain sensation is related to a particular facet of body awareness or relationship disparity. Nowhere is this more apparent than in dreams of injury, infection, and amputation where physical sensations accompany visual images. Try to recall where the pain was centered, and relate that body part to aspects of your life that are applicable.

Was the pain caused by you, another person, or an object? Was it caused purposefully, or by accident? Did the pain feel so great as though it may lead to amputation, or was it merely a nuisance?

Psychological
In dreams, we are often faced with dilemmas that create a lot of anxiety for the dreamer. Some of the things we do not know directly in our self-awareness are unknown because the trauma of unmediated awareness would be devastating. If dreams cause psychological pain, it should be treated much the same way as physical pain.

Does it hurt enough to get help, or just a little bit when precipitated by peculiar actions? How often does it occur, and is it staying the same or getting worse? Does it interfere with daily routines because the lingering pain is so troubling? Do you feel you have enough knowledge and resources to treat the pain yourself, or does it feel as if the pain has deep roots in your life? Depending on how you answer these questions, you may wish to seek professional help dealing with the psychological pain of dream events.

Crying
Weeping in dreams is not at all unusual. This is often because of the emotional power carried by the images and persons you are encountering. Weeping in the dream is generally separate from actual physical tears forming. It is more often that weepy feeling you get in your heart when a particularly moving scene is played out before you. The best advice is always to go with the dream. Emotional releases and revelations can have a very cleaning effect on the psyche and should be embraced whenever possible. However, you should try to determine the trigger event that caused the emotion.

Did someone else make you cry directly? Were you crying for a particular reason, or was it for a general emotional release? Did the tears make you feel ultimately better or worse?

Anima / Animus
These are terms that Jung created to describe the opposite-gender self that lives within each of us. The anima is the feminine component dwelling inside a male's unconscious mind. The animus is the masculine component dwelling inside a female's unconscious mind.

In dreams, this opposite-gender self can be a helper or an antagonist. These dream figures can appear as translations of persons we meet with whom we have a tremendous sense of romantic love or platonic camaraderie. One of Jung's interpreters held that the anima/animus character was only understandable to those who have known true love.

However, our opposite-gender selves may reveal to us negativity in ourselves or negativity we perceive in dealings with the opposite sex. It is important to note that sometimes, when you dream about a person of the opposite sex, they may be representing your own inner self. Carefully consider all persons of the opposite sex in your dreams as a possible appearance of your own anima / animus.

What do these strangers teach you about how you view the opposite sex-do you fear, lust for, or despise these strangers for any apparent reason?

and then comes the moment when sweet turns to sour.

bitterly sour.

only those who were there know what I mean.

so shine the light on all of your friends
when it all amounts to nothing in the end

"Sometimes you just have to leave to see who follows"

and let me tell you, it is the greatest feeling in the world when someone follows.

hmmm. yeah.

At the same time, I hate spring. stupid hormones. :D which is ironic, for reasons that only make sense in my head. ha! oh well.

man, this is the highest I've been flying in a while. oooh, I love just being happy! ahh. bliss.

life is amazing, amazing is life.

oh, and we got high speed internet. yay! I love how it was waiting for me when I got home from Florida. :)

ahhh, well, I must be going now..... dinner, then english, then possibly ISKETCH then bed by 9. goodness knows I need sleep like a hibernating bear! ... don't know where that came from. :P

memories

well, it was florida for heaven's sake. a list of the best parts! (or just everything I remember. no stories... yet.) Let's see...

1. at least 15 movies there and back (bus ride, ha!)
2. watching Adam, Mike and Ryan nod off on the way
3. watching Mike run away from the SA-X and beat the NIGHTMARE for me (metroid!)
4. watching [and quoting almost all of] hitchiker's guide to the galaxy with Kit (and sorta Zack)
5. Adam gave birth (lol!)
6. random story Mike made about me and Zack in the shower together
7. random rumor about.... oh, just kidding, I can't tell you that.
8. the hot tub!
9. my random emotions (stupid story, stupid crush!)
10. Mike sleeping on my shoulder on the way home (and having to keep his head from falling onto my lap. :3)

whoo! more to come later, after I steal pictures from people. :D