yes! success!

I am not a failure!

Well, I never thought I was in the first place, but this makes the proof better!

I submitted a poem on fictionpress yesterday, and I got two reviews this morning. YESTERDAY! I rock! It makes me so happy, I'm not unnoticed! Whoo! ^.^ Oh, I suppose I ought to post the poem, right? One moment!

...

Better yet, maybe I'll just have you scout it out on fictionpress yourself. My username is gigglebug. Original, I know. =P

Anyways, I get to go ice blocking with mis (best?) amigos next thursday. Hopefully, if they remember. -Evil stare!- I'm sure they will. Oh, for those who don't know, ice blocking is basically going on a big hill and sliding down it on a huge ice cube! (I used that analogy with Anne, it made me happy. ^.^) So hopefully nobody'll get hurt, and hopefully it'll be tons of fun! I'm so looking forward to it. yayness!

Oh yeah, I went to see the colts yesterday for marching band (36 colorguard members, sigh!), and they were cool. Even without the costumes and everything. I was kinda mad, I couldn't go to the performance, I had to go decorate some capri's for camp. Oh well. But afterwards Kit was like, "Hey, I saw some flags in the gift whatsit thing." So we went to check it out, and we both ended up getting a flag. =P So now, I am offically a marching band nerd, as well as a normal band nerd. Oh, the things I do for band nerd titles! lol.

Oh, haha! I was watching the news a few days ago, and I saw this on the screen:

Eel

Doesn't it look a little, er..... odd? I mean, sure, eel looks fine, but Eel? Ooh, it's weird to type that too. =P Wow, I'm in such a weird, ditzy mood right now. At least, in my head. yayness!

Okay, need to release some energy. I'm off to run around the block! It's good for ya, y'know. Keeps ya regular. ^.^

//::eDiT::\\
A month from today, a month from today! I'll be 17, aeei!

also, I hit 200 wins in isketch today. huzzah!

"How to be Dead"

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up, I won't stop
No way

Please keep your hands down, and stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me some time
So just say yes or no, why can't you shoulder the blame
Cuz both my shoulders are heavy from the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my ...

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes that you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something, it's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking them and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines you've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

I've found it!

I know that my Redeemer lives!
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, he lives, who once was dead;
He lives, my ever living head!

He lives triumphant from the grave;
He lives eternally to save;
He lives exalted, throned above;
He lives to rule his Church in love.

He lives to grant me rich supply;
He lives to guide me with his eye;
He lives to comfort me when faint;
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears;
He lives to wipe away my tears;
He lives to calm my troubled heart;
He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives to bless me with his love;
He lives to plead for me above;
He lives my hungry soul to feed;
He lives to help in time of need.

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly friend;
He lives and loves me to the end;
He lives, and while he lives, I’ll sing;
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King!

He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death;
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to his name!
He lives, my savior, still the same;
What joy this blest assurance gives:
I know that my Redeemer lives!

and this is why camp was amazing. just for two days out of my summer, I get to hang out with the most amazing people on the planet. I get to be with people - and I mean all of the people there - that share the same standards as me. That love me for being me. Me! A member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; a Mormon, like the rest of them. It's such a blessing to me. I love them all, I do. And I don't even know all their names! Oh, it was so amazing. I mean, the testimonies that were borne were absolutely fantastic, the spirit was so strong that most of us felt like crying at one point. Not a sad crying, but a joyful crying, if you can imagine that. But at one point, I went up and bore my testimony. MY testimony! I cried. I'll admit it. I'm not afraid to. Just like I'm not afraid to tell you about my testimony.

I know for a fact with all my heart that the gospel is true. God's true church is on the earth, and I belong to it. I go out and teach people about my church so that people understand what we're all about. Sure, you might not believe it, but there's over 12 million "Mormons" out there right now. 12 million! Believe it? I sure do. That just gives me confidence because I know that there are 12 million others out there that have the same testimony as me. They believe what I do. I believe that God knows me! I am his daughter, I am a child of my Heavenly Father! And He's known me for a long time. He's been trying to remind me who I am. Because knowing who you are, changes what you do.

Now, I'm not trying to go out and say that my church is better than anyone else's. Heavens no! I just know for myself that my church is the right one. Go ahead and disagree, I'm not trying to prove it to anyone. But I refuse to be afraid to bear my testimony. I refuse to be afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I admit I think I'm pretty good already. But I want to become better. So I will strive to be the best I can. And that involves lots more prayers and scripture reading! That'll take up lots of my summer, eh!

Oh, I feel so peaceful and calm. Much better that I have felt in a long time, that's for sure. I feel like... I could take on the world. But I won't. Because I know my limits.

Godspeed to you all. Find your testimony. Follow your dreams. Listen to God. He knows what He's doing.

Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!
E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me,
Still all my song shall be,
Nearer, my God, to thee;
Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
Darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
Yet in my dreams I'd be
Nearer, my God, to thee;
Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

There let the way appear, steps unto heaven;
All that thou sendest me, in mercy given;
Angels to beckon me
Nearer, my God, to thee;
Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

Then, with my waking thoughts bright with thy praise,
Out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise;
So by my woes to be
Nearer, my God, to thee;
Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

Or if, on joyful wing cleaving the sky,
Sun, moon, and stars forgot,
Upward I fly,
Still all my song shall be,
Nearer, my God, to thee;
Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

Oh, one last note.... if I offended anyone, let me know, and we can talk about this and why it offended you and how I can make it better (aka apology).

GRADES (amoung other things)

WELL, here's what my junior year grades turned out to be! (this is what the college will see.)

English 3 Honors - B-
Creative Writing - B
Chemistry - B
Astronomy - B
US History - B-
Psychology 1 - C-
Web Page Design - A
Wind Symphony - A+
Music Theory 1 - B+
Music Theory 2 - A-
Gym - A

All good stuff, except for Psych. Pretty good, though, I didn't get a D like previously thought. As far as class rank and GPA... 143/429 and 3.1250 cumulative. Geez, what a way to make you feel stupid. XP

So life is good. All that and I've won 145 games in isketch. I'm at 23%. that's games played / games won. I'm at 23%. It'll be hard to raise that.... there's not really anywhere I can go. meh.

And I sincerely love the person who created ibuprofen. The end.

//:.:eDiT:.:\\
By the way, I'm leaving Friday and coming back [late] Saturday for my overnite church camp retreat thing, so I basically will be gone all weekend. You'll miss me, I know.

Don't kill each other, my darlings....

when we can't have what we love, we must love what we have

but when you have nothing...





what more is there to anything...?

crazy stalker...

okay, more isketch-relatedness. lo siento.

I was trying animals and whatnot, did pretty well, won a few times. fine and dandy. I go to a normal word room, and there is this horrible witch in there, calling everyone horrible names and drawing obscene pictures (person humping a sheep). so when she draws this, all the people in the room skip her by voting. you all know how it is. so she starts yelling at us like its our fault she didn't draw the word, and I politley state "well sorry, but there are rules to follow. everyone needs to follow them, and if you don't want to, please leave so we can play." I can't remember exactly what I said but it was along the lines of that. and then she starts calling me out for being a this and that and everything else under the sun. and I'm just like "well, sorry, but rules are rules." then she's swearing and crap and saying stuff like "well fine, get the admin like the wuss you are" and blah blah blah and then she tries to vote me out. wrong. I vote her out and four other people follow my lead. yay for that. BUT THEN she signs on as a different name to come back and heckle me more! here's the good part: she was like "I hate you you f***ing b**** I'm going to come and kill you and your family!"
"if you knew who or where I was."
"we've played before you wh*** and I know who and where you are!"
"okay then. whatever. bye!" *kicks out*

so I suppose I have a stalker who wants to kill me now. great. so if you hear a report with me dead in it, this is why.

and hopefully they weren't serious.

*locks everything shut tight*

isketch is educational!

I learned about an awesome creature today while drawing on isketch. in the animals room. it was crazy, cuz I had to draw this creature (see above): a chocolate chip starfish. appropriately named, I think. oh, and google is my best friend during that game. =P and there's a bird called euphonia! it sounds like an euphonium, but its a bird, so they had to rename it. scientists aren't very creative, you see.

isn't isketch so much fun? you learn so much pointless stuff. I <3 it. and meet cool people. to heck with eHarmony, just go to isketch. lol.

more to come with the random animals that amuse me in the animals room....

by the way, I've won 129 games now. -.- I'm so lame.

here are other animals to look up for yourself (and by "look up" I mean search on google images):

aardwolf (like a hyena)
bee hummingbird
euphonia
golden mole
marmot
spotted towhee

I'm in a really sensitive mood right now, for some reason, where if I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you, I get in a crappy mood. irate. for example, my neighbor. about my brother Matt's age; about 11. nice kid. except today, when he's calling the house every 15 minutes to see if he can play with Matt. "uh, sorry, not home, leave me alone." and then he insists on coming to the door and asking if he's here. what part of "he's not home" did you not understand?! "he's not trying to avoid you, I'll send him over when he gets home." good heavens. and my brothers are a different matter. ugh.

I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm going through withdrawal from school or something. my mood swings are pretty bad, now. I'm usually the most awake and happy and night. I suppose the fact that I can't sleep at night because my dad doesn't believe in air conditioning doesn't help. (I sleep on the top bunk of a bunk bed, heat rises, I can't sleep when I'm uncomfortable!) rawr.

and then being treated like I'm just a "typical 16 year old girl" doesn't make it any better, either.

why does today suck!?

summer at a glance

well, marching band is under way. kinda. we know who our drum majors are (way to go, Rachel and Dani!), and we know what our music is. nothing exciting, sadly, some kind of latin salsa or something. its something the flags can dance to, I know that. at least flags have a coach this year, finally. I don't have to be in charge of it, huzzah. unfortunately, we only have three home games (not sure how that works out). makes me sad. I suppose this could be the year where we figure out a way to say "goodbye" to the seniors at the end of the season (at OHS they play amazing grace for them).

otherwise, summer is finally here!

I don't know that I'll be updating a lot over the summer, what with needing to find a job and everything. I think this week will be the last of my goofing off over summer. but for the record, here's a list of all the days I'll be gone so ya'll know. I'll have to remember to put it at the bottom of all my posts from now on, or put it on a sidebar. I'll probably do that, but for now...

*june 11-15: prairie fest (during the day, but I'll be busy)
*june 22-23: youth conference (overnite church camp)
*july 10-14: YW camp (LDS girl camp)
*august 17-27(ish): hawaii (not liking that too much for marching band's sake)

its not like I'm going many places, but I have a lot of things I want to do this summer. like college visits. and practice more. and a job. so thats my summer at a glance. so for now, I leave you with a picture....

isn't he just so cute? *gag*

yeah, he's wearing a krispy kreme deli hat thing and holding up two wendy's spoons. whatsit look like he's doing?

:://eDiT\\::
check out my latest blog, itslogicalnonsense.blogspot.com

isketch

I must be smarter than I think.

ugh, I hate starting rooms in isketch. cuz then all the stupid people come and start playing. geez.

oh! I discovered that if you type /stats , you find out how many hours you've played, how many games you've played, and how many of those said games you've won. as of right now, my stats are 306/515/100. or rather, 306 hours/515 games/100 won.

I'm cool like that. subject to change very soon!

my post looks awkward without a title. much better!

I'm in the mood to write a paste poem. y'know, one of those where I take a bunch of lyrics and string them together? I'd go off and do it now, but I'm at a loss for a topic. suggestions?

school is over in less than two days. finally. I'm dreading report cards, however, and what my parents might say at the sight of them. ugh. lets not go there, savvy?

which also reminds me, I listened to the PotC3 soundtrack today. man, the only thing I have to complain about is my mindset. raagh, I hate being depressed. and angry. and lonely. (no, Mike, that doesn't mean I need a relationship. I'm happy single, just lonely. there's a difference. need me to clarify? drop me an email.) eergh.

plus, I went to the speech meeting today. sounds like fun, but perhaps a little more work than expected. well, I knew it was a lot of work, but it might be too much for me to handle (what with school work and whatnot I hope to plan for). plus, I don't know what I'd do. and I don't know if my parents would approve. I can only do so much, they tell me. and if there's a vacation in there, well. I'm screwed.

but enough for my complaints. just bear with me, after this week you won't hear from me for the rest of the summer. sound good? I thought so. =)

~Teensie Queen

laughter is the souls release
but we're not smiling anymore
can't we try to win this peace?
cuz we're never gonna win
never gonna win this war

//::eDiT::\\
http://askaninja.com/node/3718

if you like PotC3, don't follow the link. don't do it. No, I SAID-...! Can't say I didn't warn you, now.

huh.

so I hear someone I used to know is pregnant.

even better, they might be coming to East next year.

won't that be lovely?

oh yeah.

anyone else looking forward to fights every other day?

otherwise, here's a song. a lovely song. a happy song! kinda.

The General (Dispatch)

there was a decorated general with a heart of gold
that likened him to all the stories he told
of past battles, won and lost, and legends of old
a seasoned veteran in his own time
on the battlefield, he gained respectful fame
with many medals of bravery and stripes to his name
he grew a beard as soon as he could to cover the scars on his face
and always urged his men on
but on the eve of a great battle with the infantry in dream
the old general tossed in his sleep and wrestled with its meaning
he awoke from the night just to tell what he had seen
and walked slowly out of his tent
all the men held tall with their chests in the air
with courage in their blood and a fire in their stare
it was a grey morning and they all wondered how they would fare
till the old general told them to go home

He said
[CHORUS:]
I have seen the others and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting
I have seen their mothers and I will no other
to follow me where I'm going
So...
Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
go now you are forgiven

but the men stood fast with their guns on their shoulders
not knowing what to do with the contradicting orders
the general said he would do his own duty but would he extend it no further
the men could go as they pleased
not a man moved, their eyes gazed straight ahead
till one by one they stepped back and not a word was said
and the old general was left with his own words echoing in his head
he then prepared to fight

He said
[CHORUS]
I have seen the others and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting, no
and I have seen their mothers and I will no other
to follow me where I'm going
So
Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
Take a shower, shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
go now you are forgiven

go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven
oh, yeah
go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven
go now you are forgiven
no, oh...

*groan*

I'm finding it increasingly harder to get out of bed every morning.

More often am I wallowing in despair because of what the future might bring.

It's becoming impossible.

This is my plea, right here, right now: I need help before this escalates to drastic measures. and I do mean that in the literal sense.

I need a breakdown, but the tears will not come.

I lied to you, I lied to myself. there's no way I can pull this off. I'm sorry, will you forgive me?

Oh, oh! I can't do this, I don't want to face it anymore. I... have no will... for life! nothing appeals to me, I can't keep this up!

there's only Monday, half of Tuesday, and half of Wednesday. there's no way I can pull this off! I can't do it! its impossible!

I'm losing hope. I need faith. Someone, please!

please....

"I never needed a friend like I do now..."