Holy exploding inbox, Batman! XD

23 birthday messages when I woke up, nice.

an' it'll keep goinggg. haha!

hope your day is as good as mine! :)

+19

+17

Well, my birthday's on Thursday.

When talking about my age right now, I feel like 19 is too small, but 20 is too big.

Can't I just spend a while in between? I'll call it "Twenteen", a hybrid of 20 and 19! 's perfect!

... XD

Ah well. Regardless, I hope *your* summer is going swell, just as it ought to. :)

To my brothers,

Combined, you two weigh less than I do, even when you're full. Don't start saying you're full all the time and pull back on portion sizes. You're teenage boys. Come on; you're supposed to put me to shame, not the other way around.

Cos the less you guys eat, the more I look like a hippopotamus.

so, I was about to post something on Facebook along the lines of, "Nothing says 'destroy your self-esteem' like going shopping for clothes. Le sigh."

jabbing at myself, of course.

although, when I came upstairs to my lappy to post about it, this HUGE storm whipped up and the power went out.

I just thought about it right now, but I'd like to let myself believe that God whipped up a huge thunderstorm because he knew that I love them, and that he wanted to tell me that I'm okay the way I am. He loves me, and it doesn't matter what I look like.

I am so grateful for the spirit, and that I am able to be receptive to it at times like these.

uhhh.

birthday? next week?

oh.

*headdesk*

the joys of being home - I get moments like these.

I was talking to my mother for a quick minute this morning and she told me about a woman who came to the house and picked some pumpkin starts (sprouted pumpkin plant, but not very big so trans-potting them is easier).

Apparently, this woman came to the house when my mom wasn't home, went around the house and got the seeds, and left. No word of acknowledgment or anything. Apparently they're growing fine.

My mom then mentioned, "I think one of the shortcomings and failings of our society is gratitude." She said she was trying to be aware of it on her end, at least.

I think it's something we can all try to be more aware of.

<3

To Inspiration and the One O'Clock Morning Hour:

We need to stop meeting like this. Can't we just meet together for lunch on a gorgeous afternoon, instead?

I celebrate not having ANY plans! AT ALL!

except for the day of when I fly back to Provo.

aaaah, perfect.

and when you're growing down instead of growing up

Civil rights, civil war

Hood rat, crack whore

Carefree, nightclub

Closet drunk, bathtub

Outcast, weirdo

Stepchild, freak show

Black girl, bad hair

Broad nose, cold stare

Tap shoes, Broadway

Tuxedo, holiday

Creative block, Love song

Stupid words, erased song

Gun shots, orange house

Dead man walking with a dirty mouth

Spoiled milk, stale bread

Welfare, bubonic plague

Record deal, light bulb

Keep back kid not corporate thug

Breast cancer, common cold

HIV, lost hope

Overweight, self esteem

Misfit, broken dream

Fish tank, small bowl

Closed minded, dark hold

Cybergirl, droid control

Get away now they trying to steal your soul

Microphone, one stage

Tomboy, outrage

Street fight, bloody war

Instigators, third floor

Promiscuous child, broken heart

STD, quarentine

Heroin user, coke head

Final chapter, death bed

Plastic sweat, metal skin

Metallic tears, mannequin

Carefree, night club

Closet drunk, bathtub

White house, Jim Crow

Dirty lies, my regards.

--

Janelle Monae, Many Moons.

Part of her EP "Metropolis", which follows a story of an android whom has fallen in love with a human (which, in the fictional world Janelle has created, is illegal).

I just bought the entire EP, it's really quite fascinating. And so gosh darn catchy! The song "Sincerely, Jane" is particularly at blame. XD

I'm such a moron, telling myself I would never give him what he was fishing for - and then going and giving it to him.

faaaantastic!

I need a life, of any form. XD

Lately, I've been [re]discovering just how satisfying it is to sit down and write.

Since the middle of spring semester (and thus daydreaming in the middle of classes), I've had this idea just jumping around in my noggin. I got it after watching a promotional trailer for hockey, of all things. So, two characters came from that. And they've been patient with me and have dealt with my musings - all up until I took tests, then they thought it was funny to dance around in my head while I was trying to recall information about fatty acids and the lives of stars.

But I digress.

Today, after I spent a fantastical day with one of my all time best friends in the ENTIRE world, I sat down and I wrote. and wrote. and wrote.

And I sat down with my characters over lunch, as it were, and we talked for a long time about this story I've had in my crockpot of a brain. I talked with these characters who I've felt have become my friends, who have distinct personalities of their own, and have a deep understanding and care for one another.

I'm telling you this because it's very strange; I've never written anything in the way that my characters are real, like these two are. You hear about writers whose characters talk to them - well, that's officially happening to me, legitimately for the first time.

And it's awesome.

well hello there, 2am.

pleasure to make your acquaintance, once again.

I just want you to know that I'm being completely honest and open here. I've decided I'm not okay with people who hide things and observe without sharing their thoughts.

That said, I'm just unsure about friendships and things. Especially here at home in Chicago.

Now please stop checking back so darn often and let me know what you're thinking. Because you're making me nervous. XD

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to see you.

I don't want to have you over.

I don't want to celebrate my birthday.

I don't want to be associated with you while I'm here.

I don't want to meet with you - cos I don't want to see how much you've changed.

-----

Convenience friends. I hate 'em. You're one of 'em.

Take it or leave it.

Stop using profanity. Don't be so crude. Pay more attention to the ones who love(d) you. Quit smoking. Don't whine about your life - cos I really don't care, after all your years of it. Answer my phone calls and texts. Don't make excuses you're not good with long-distance friendships. Don't forget about me. Don't ignore the signs. Don't write me off. Be prompt and punctual.

Be someone we both can be proud of.

And don't assume.

-----

Is it so horrible that I set my sights so high? That I'm already willing to leave you behind? That I've already started to?

Is that bad of me, to think this way?

People in Utah really want me to donate blood - they've just called me for the third time, asking if I was going to be in town so they could stab me. Guess I'm gonna go do that, soon.

In other news, happy July! Julius Caesar was a beast, yep. Glad to have been born in the month named after him and his pwnage. :P