I think I would really like a huge thunderstorm.
Actually, I am in great need of a giant thunderstorm.
A thunderstorm that will light up the sky, one that will scare people from going outside, one that will shake the Earth itself. I want it to be a reminder to everyone of God's infinite power.
...
Highly unlikely in Provo, but I can pray for it nonetheless.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Here am I. Send me.
This Saturday, my roommate will be auditioning for the the school of music here at BYU. She was asking me all sorts of things (which is weird, I'm not as well versed with all the things you're supposed to do to get in here). One of the things she has to do is take an aural exam. On it you need to do basic things as recognize intervals, select the correct harmonic progression, etc. For BYU, you need to score at LEAST 32/64, if I'm not mistaken. Please remember that fact.
I never wanted to go to BYU in my entire life. However, in a Bishop's interview the previous November (aka less than a MONTH before the application was due!!!), he suggested to me that I should apply for BYU. A little reluctantly, I did. I halfheartedly filled out the application, cut some corners, and submitted it. I thought little of it.
After doing the requirements for the school of music here at the Y, I went out for a lesson with Bro. Smith, the bassoon prof. He was really chill and taught in a way that made sense to me, and I loved it. On my way out the door, he commented that he would take the lesson that we just had and would count it for my audition. (Which meant, I wouldn't have to fly back out to Utah the following April when all of my final projects and things were going on for my senior year of high school! I didn't realize how much of a tender mercy that was until April happened.)
Now, I also had to do that aural exam. Remember what the lowest score was allowed to be?
I got 29/64.
Not good enough.
No less than 2 days later (Jan. 30th, '08), I got a notification in my email telling me that BYU had decided upon my admission. I followed the link, signed on a thousand times, and eventually came across a letter telling me I was rejected.
Reading this in my first period of class was distressing, and I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day. My mom eventually came to pull me from school and I went home sobbing.
At the time, I didn't understand. Why was I so emotional over this? I didn't want to go there! It was a waste of time and a clichéd Mormon thing. I would be taking someone else's spot who wanted to go there more desperately than I did.
Well, my eternal and wise mother counseled that I should email Bro. Smith and tell him the news. Regretfully (at the time), I did. He replied within the hour, and this is what he said.
Two weeks later, Bro. Smith told me he was submitting his letter of recommendation to the school of music for my acceptance. He estimated an official letter within two or three days, but that was certainly not the case.
March 12th, he sent me an email asking me about scholarship information. (Which, by the way, God knew was a huge deciding factor in my college decision.) I told him I had not yet received a letter from BYU proclaiming my acceptance. He told me to check the website, since he had been told a few days prior that I had been accepted.
FINALLY: March 19th was the day that I officially got my letter telling of my acceptance to Brigham Young University.
I accepted, got my scholarship, spent that last summer with my glorious friends (some of who just didn't understand why I was going so far away for school), and flew off that August with a heavy heart. Things in Illinois - and me, for that matter - would never be the same.
Now, I don't tell you all that to boast. I merely show this HUGE tender mercy in my life to you so that you can know as well as I do that the Lord lives, and that he answers prayers. I didn't know why he wanted me to go to BYU, and I still don't completely understand why I'm here. All I know is that the Lord knows what's best, and I can do nothing without him.
♥
I never wanted to go to BYU in my entire life. However, in a Bishop's interview the previous November (aka less than a MONTH before the application was due!!!), he suggested to me that I should apply for BYU. A little reluctantly, I did. I halfheartedly filled out the application, cut some corners, and submitted it. I thought little of it.
After doing the requirements for the school of music here at the Y, I went out for a lesson with Bro. Smith, the bassoon prof. He was really chill and taught in a way that made sense to me, and I loved it. On my way out the door, he commented that he would take the lesson that we just had and would count it for my audition. (Which meant, I wouldn't have to fly back out to Utah the following April when all of my final projects and things were going on for my senior year of high school! I didn't realize how much of a tender mercy that was until April happened.)
Now, I also had to do that aural exam. Remember what the lowest score was allowed to be?
I got 29/64.
Not good enough.
No less than 2 days later (Jan. 30th, '08), I got a notification in my email telling me that BYU had decided upon my admission. I followed the link, signed on a thousand times, and eventually came across a letter telling me I was rejected.
Reading this in my first period of class was distressing, and I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day. My mom eventually came to pull me from school and I went home sobbing.
At the time, I didn't understand. Why was I so emotional over this? I didn't want to go there! It was a waste of time and a clichéd Mormon thing. I would be taking someone else's spot who wanted to go there more desperately than I did.
Well, my eternal and wise mother counseled that I should email Bro. Smith and tell him the news. Regretfully (at the time), I did. He replied within the hour, and this is what he said.
Before you give up all hope of getting into BYU, let me look into this situation. Sometimes we, on the music side, can have some pull with admissions. I won’t know until I do a bit of research. I will be in touch with you within a week or so about this.I'm so grateful he did what he did. He must've pulled a lot of strings to get me in here, and I can't help but realize how much influence my meeting with him did. I'm grateful my previous bassoon teacher told me to have a lesson with him *BEFORE* the audition - which turned out to be my audition in the first place.
Two weeks later, Bro. Smith told me he was submitting his letter of recommendation to the school of music for my acceptance. He estimated an official letter within two or three days, but that was certainly not the case.
March 12th, he sent me an email asking me about scholarship information. (Which, by the way, God knew was a huge deciding factor in my college decision.) I told him I had not yet received a letter from BYU proclaiming my acceptance. He told me to check the website, since he had been told a few days prior that I had been accepted.
FINALLY: March 19th was the day that I officially got my letter telling of my acceptance to Brigham Young University.
I accepted, got my scholarship, spent that last summer with my glorious friends (some of who just didn't understand why I was going so far away for school), and flew off that August with a heavy heart. Things in Illinois - and me, for that matter - would never be the same.
Now, I don't tell you all that to boast. I merely show this HUGE tender mercy in my life to you so that you can know as well as I do that the Lord lives, and that he answers prayers. I didn't know why he wanted me to go to BYU, and I still don't completely understand why I'm here. All I know is that the Lord knows what's best, and I can do nothing without him.
♥
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
So I've been listening to Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars" on repeat for the last hour. It brings me a certain peace, somehow. It's ironic, I think.
In all seriousness, it's 2010.
2010.
It's so bizarre. We've reached a new decade, and each year seems to fly by faster and faster. I never wanted to grow up, and I think to a point, I never will.
I'm more in love with life every day that I live it, and I am constantly striving to learn new things and try to do things that the Lord would want me to do. Specifically, I'm trying to show my love for the people I love so much more than I already do. Sometimes I assume that people just know these things, that I love them as much as I do. But sometimes words are not enough. I don't really know how to show all my love for my wonderful, patient, cheerful, loving friends - but I know I can try and that I can better.
I've always been protective - and always a little bit jealous - of my friends. Tonight, for example, when I was driving home with some people I knew in a blizzard (I'm not kidding - this was worse than any snowstorm Illinois could conjure up), I called my 2 roommates to make sure they were safe. At the end of both phone calls, I told them I loved them.
Now, I don't know if they really know how much I love them, but that doesn't matter. We all got home in one piece (err, three?) and we were too tired to do much else but go to sleep. (Except me, hence why I'm updating this at 2am MST.)
But back to the jealousy. Thinking about it now, all the other times I ever got jealous about someone or something else was because they could show their love that much better than I could. I wanted to be able to express my deep felt love to someone, tell them that I prayed for their protection every night, tell them that I would honestly sacrifice anything I had to make them happy. I've never been able to say that phrase, "Whatever makes you happy makes me happy." Or however that goes. I never knew why until I realized that jealousy was hindering my progress. It took a long time to see that, but now I'm empowered because I know.
They said knowledge is power, and it really is.
...
Anyways. I'm rambling and not making much sense. Time for bed, I s'ppose.
In all seriousness, it's 2010.
2010.
It's so bizarre. We've reached a new decade, and each year seems to fly by faster and faster. I never wanted to grow up, and I think to a point, I never will.
I'm more in love with life every day that I live it, and I am constantly striving to learn new things and try to do things that the Lord would want me to do. Specifically, I'm trying to show my love for the people I love so much more than I already do. Sometimes I assume that people just know these things, that I love them as much as I do. But sometimes words are not enough. I don't really know how to show all my love for my wonderful, patient, cheerful, loving friends - but I know I can try and that I can better.
I've always been protective - and always a little bit jealous - of my friends. Tonight, for example, when I was driving home with some people I knew in a blizzard (I'm not kidding - this was worse than any snowstorm Illinois could conjure up), I called my 2 roommates to make sure they were safe. At the end of both phone calls, I told them I loved them.
Now, I don't know if they really know how much I love them, but that doesn't matter. We all got home in one piece (err, three?) and we were too tired to do much else but go to sleep. (Except me, hence why I'm updating this at 2am MST.)
But back to the jealousy. Thinking about it now, all the other times I ever got jealous about someone or something else was because they could show their love that much better than I could. I wanted to be able to express my deep felt love to someone, tell them that I prayed for their protection every night, tell them that I would honestly sacrifice anything I had to make them happy. I've never been able to say that phrase, "Whatever makes you happy makes me happy." Or however that goes. I never knew why until I realized that jealousy was hindering my progress. It took a long time to see that, but now I'm empowered because I know.
They said knowledge is power, and it really is.
...
Anyways. I'm rambling and not making much sense. Time for bed, I s'ppose.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I can't help you, Lemur. I'm sorry you get as angry as you do. I'm sorry I can't make you see that you're a talented writer, just like the rest of us.
I'm blessed to have met someone like you, Lemur. Stereotypes got in the way a little at first, and I was wary of you, but I've grown fond of you.
However, through that fondness comes distaste. I can't change your personality, but...
Because you were worried about that before?
But I digress. Your opinion alone would scorch my self-esteem into cinders, but somehow I stand by your side and wish the best for you.
I don't know... I don't ever know.
I'm blessed to have met someone like you, Lemur. Stereotypes got in the way a little at first, and I was wary of you, but I've grown fond of you.
However, through that fondness comes distaste. I can't change your personality, but...
"I realize I'm not endearing myself to you right now, so sorry."
Because you were worried about that before?
But I digress. Your opinion alone would scorch my self-esteem into cinders, but somehow I stand by your side and wish the best for you.
I don't know... I don't ever know.
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