Let's see.... I think I calculated this morning that this is week 9 [out of 16]. Shifuzz, more than halfway there! *brick'd*

And so many issues that need to be looked at. Future things to prepare for:

• Jury
  
• Finals
• MORE midterms (2/3 through the semester. schwat?!?)
• Last minute hangings with the boy that's leaving [and make sure I get his future address so I can write him]
• Playing in masterclass on Monday (ugh....)
• Register for MORE CLASSES in November
• Ooo, I have a concert tomorrow night.
• Ever working towards my goal of making an orchestra next year
• The ever increasing amount of homework - let's see if we can find the bottom.
• THANKSGIVING!
• CHRISTMAS!
• BREAK!
• FRIENDS!
• I'm excited, can you tell?

YeAH! (two words.)

Irrelevantly [as one can be in a blog post of no title], I've lost 10 pounds. No joke. My pants keep getting more and more baggy. Which I guess is good, but that just means I won't fit in a lot of them by the time I come home. Yay? I guess that's what I get for living off-campus, buying ALL of my food (which means as little as possible), and walking 2+ miles every day. =]

Aha, life is good. Stressful and a bit worrisome, but good.

"Ah, music... A magic far beyond anything that we do here!"

Turning Point

Today while I was on Facebook, I was looking through people's videos. Just for fun.

And I saw the marching band having fun in the stands.

And I saw Mike and Kylie having fun with a webcam.

And I saw a title that made me listen to the A Capella honors concert.

And I saw your face
And I tried to touch it
And I broke down
And I can't recover.

Not yet.

And I sang a song for the healing of my heart
And hoped you would hear it
And answer
But none came.

Not yet?

I turned off the lights
Glow-in-the-dark stars all over the ceiling
I named one after you
And made a wish

I asked what to do
And you speak
multiple answers
Can't figure it out
Can't trust
Can't feel
anything other than this

Help

Not yet.

Air

Reaching

Missing

Trying

to Hold

Not yet.

I don't think I've expressed how much I miss you guys.


... I don't think I have to say anything to let you know how I'm feeling.


But...


I miss familiarity.
I miss emotional intimacy.
I miss friends.
I miss knowing everyone's name.
I miss the small things.
I miss the hugs and the smiles.
I miss the late nights on the phone.
I miss seeing you every day.
I miss writing poems with and for you.
I miss having the answers.
I miss being the at the top.
I miss family.

But above all, I miss YOU.


Tell me I'm not the only one.

Well, since someone threw a hissy-fit that I don't update on my life enough, here's this.

• Went to the temple on Wednesday night with my ward! It was great, we were there for two hours.
  
• It's FRIDAY! Lots of social things this weekend, hooray!
• Said things: Mission call letter-opening [for an oboist I met named Trent]; a mocktail party for a friend's 21st birthday; generally staying up late and chillin'
• Practicing, practicing, practicing. Reading my book of mormon, and more practicing. (If I get motivated enough to go back up to the H-FAC and do so; otherwise I'm stuck in my apartment for it.]
• Start thinking about going to see Don Giovanni next Friday
• Start thinking about my [2nd] concert on the 29th
• Hope that some friends from back home will have the consideration to attempt to converse with me this weekend
• Plan ahead for Halloween weekend (goin' to Sandy, woohoo!)
• Dream about Thanksgiving and Christmas

Sounds like a party! Who said BYU-students couldn't have fun?

Dude. I just had one of THE COOLEST experiences. EVER.

But I'm not sure if I should say it or not.


Regardless, it's flipping halfway through October already. OCTOBER! Yikes. Where has the last month and a half of my life gone??!? I suppose the older I get, the faster it flies. Which isn't particularly cool when you're discovering all these cool things in your life and in the world around you.

Oh, and I finally went to the temple today. It was great! (Though I'm kinda "meh" at myself... I live literally 10 minutes away from the place, and I've only gone once during my whole time that I've been here?!? Changes need to be made! Good thing my ward is planning on going twice a month.) :D

Anyway, bed... I haven't been getting to bed as early as I should've been, lately. Bahaha.

sick sick sick sick sick

I is ill.

It's not fun. D:

But I'm trying some herbal tea to see if it'll make it better. Hooray, experiments!

(Herbal tea is legal for me, so we'll see.)

That rhymed so much I want to shoot myself... not really. :P

*runs off to try her tea*

Maybe this is how it's s'pposed to be.

I wrote another poem. It wasn't meant to be pessimistic when I started it, but it just turned out that way. Enjoy:

(A/N: Based off of the song You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol.)

You could be happy
Or angry
Or sad.
The mask so well made that you hide behind
How should I know?
I’ve always asked you what you want
But you’ve never answered straight.
Maybe it’s not a mask
You tell me you’ve never lied
(To my face, anyway.)
Through a series of events,
I whittle down to truth.
Your feelings, emotions, and thoughts:
Unknown to even you.
And you want me to save you?
You want me to keep you around?
The unfeeling and the irrational;
This can’t turn out well.
You throw out the words
You say that “you care,”
You make promises, heartfelt!
Oh the sarcasm there.
How should I trust that?
How can it be true?
You don’t even know what you feel!
Unfortunately for you, I do.
I know what I want
I know what I feel!
I know where I’m going
On this long trodden road.
The straight and the narrow
I follow this course.
I won’t change me for no one
Not even you.
Not even you and your unfeeling heart
Your confusion in mind;
Inability to keep anything
Like your promises, “heartfelt.”

I won’t take you back
But I won’t turn away
It’s all up to you
If you return or you stay.
I won’t take a stand
I’m impartial either way.
For the first time between us
It’s all up to you.

We were so optimistic
It was so easy to be.

We were young and naive.