3 DAYS.

Oh, am I nervous.

fwah. life is pretty good.

Oh, by the way, thank you for those who stopped by to say hi when I was screaming and breaking down Thursday nite.

~Rayla @};~

May: (mockingly) We're a major food source for trout and samon.
Horace: Well whoop-di-do for the samon!
May: (pause as she turns away, pouting) ...Stupid samon...

This song is for you, Mike.

"You Could Be Happy"
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

fwah, so whats today? the 22nd? ok. -counts- so that's 11 days until IMEA. WWOOOOOOOTT.... :D yeehaw. IMEA is going to be at OEHS this year, too! yes! that means I won't have to drive all the way to who-knwos-where if I make it. woot! I hope I make it. that'd be fun. I love music. You get to meet so many cool people pertaining to music. me gusta. the more bassoonists I know, the better. hehehehe.

Right, well I'm at school again. I have to practically live at the school again today, since I'm staying after school for my play (woot!) and there's a social for all the little eighth graders that want to be in marching band next year. WHOO! GO MB! hehehe. so I will have an hour today of just sitting around the school. maybe I can ask someone if they want to go to Panera for dinner. hmm.

So spencer is sitting next to me and he's talking about "googling a wenis" and I'm like oO um..no. kinda creepy.

So I'm done rambling on, I'm proabably going to end up hacking onto xanga and copying this onto my site. Or maybe I'll go to LJ. I like LJ. Jake doesn't. he rambled on about during this class yesterday.

Oh dear. they're both making me laugh too hard, I can barely type. I love friendly banter.

g2g! LEAVE ME A COMMMENT, POOR FLAVOR

~Rayla

ps- me and Joel is offical :)

I swear.

Literally.

Many times.

And all for naught.

lets see....

2 days until DYSO
17 days until IMEA auditions

oh, isn't life exciting? ooh yeah, of course it is.

So U of I was bad this year. Quite disappointing. It was so much easier my freshman year, and life was more simple when I went last year, so I was less depressed. Eh. Maybe next year will be a better finish. (IT BETTER BE, IT'S THE LAST TIME I'LL EVER GET TO GO...) -ahem- well, if you go to my xanga (link is listed on the right), you can hear a part of a song that we're playing in Wind Symphony!! ^^ When we played through it, I was like "I've heard this before... WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS BEFORE?!?!" so I was going crazy to figure it out, and I eventually did about 20 minutes later. oO oh well. life is messing up my mind.

Play rehersal's are going well, I've pretty much memorized the first two french scenes, so life is good. for now. Everyone's fussing about the dance and stuff, so whenever we get on the inveitable topic of "the opposite sex", it emerges. I, however, will not be coming to the dance, since I will be spending the night watching PHANTOM OF THE OPERA with Kit and Zack, who hasn't seen it before. Hence, why we're doing it then. No one else can crash and none of us are going to the dance. woot, go us.

Anyways, I'm exhasted from the trip, so I'm going to go sleep. And, inveitablely, wake up at 6 tomorrow morning. Cuz that's just the way I work. :-P

~Rachael

Thank you Carl, for being the only one who is proud of me.

Just kidding.

I know you all have a place for me somewhere. I just know that many of my friends overlook me sometimes, and then I wonder how important I am to them. I constantly wonder, "What if I disappeared? What would they say? How long would it take for them to notice?" and then I slip away into the darknes; alone, afraid, tired, and in a constant state of wonder if I am truely important to someone. I tell myself I must be, I tell myself I am. But without someone one there to tell me, I fall away into silence...

And it's moods like this that make me remember all the things I have done with my life, friends, and enemies all at once.

I remember when...

• I moved to district 308 in 2001
• I met Kylie and Holly (who, at that time, were pretty good friends)
• I switched to bassoon between sixth and seventh grade
• Bednarcik was built and I went there for seventh grade
• I tried to get to know someone through someone else, and ended up meeting one of the greatest people in the world
• I met Kit in seventh grade LA
• I went to IMEA in eighth grade
• I watched my friendship with Kylie and Holly dwindle away to nothing
• I watched everything I knew being turned inside out
• I watched a few friends make their way to the top of their social scale, and leave me behind
• I thought that everything would be ok, and it eventually was, but I had to make it by myself
• We went to the rose parade, and while that was a marvolous event, I never could shake that hole in me
• Starting high school, and how empty the hallways used to be.
• My conflict with Matt
• My "in's and out's" with my social life
• My love that I soulc never have

And then I remember how things used to be easy. I remember when all I had to do was wait and everything would be over in a day. I remember how I knew it would be better, and that I would never leave my friends again, and now all of the sudden, college is staring me in the face. And all of the sudden...

I want to be too naive again. I want to forget. I want to not care about anything and everything.

But then I remember...

It's too late to go back now. I can't forget.

And I want this hole to be filled in me once and for all.

and I know that hardly anyone reads this, so I'm safe to explain to myself how I feel.

HAHA!

Just an update for those that didn't know:

I MADE THE PLAY! I GOT THE PART! HEHEHE, THE ONLY FEMALE PART!

^^ I'm done with gloating. :P jk. MY FIRST PLAY! I'm so excited. November 3rd, wot! Only performance that I know of at the moment. We're trying to get another time to perform, but supposedly it's super-hard to schedule the theatre. I wouldn't know, I'm just in it when I need to be. lol.

WELL, all is going well at the moment. Seminary is AWESOME (that's usually rare, but lately I've been feeling the spirit! that is so awesome, I've never felt the spirit at seminary before.), school is great, life is going good too, and I'm in the happiest mood I've been in in years. Yup, that's what I said, years. I don't consider myself to be depressed, or even enthusuatically crazy, but this play has made me so happy so far. I'M SO THRILLED!

I hope you all come to see me, even though I'll be muttering on about how you shouldn't cuz I get stage fright. Tft. I'll get over it? I hope so. Anyway, I'l be off now, I have a few other things I need to be doing. Like what, I don't know. But I'll go do it. :P

~Rachael

6 AND 8 DAYS! (Man, will that be an exciting weekend or what!)

Well, Zack is going to have me try out for that "Time Flies" play. The meeting's on tuesday! and I don't think I'l be able to get on soon. I gotsta go, wish me lucks! I want to make it so much! Plays are so fun! Plus, I'll be able to show people that just because I'm not in the other ones I can do good in plays. Stupid... person I'm thinking about... some of you know who it is hehe lol

~Rachael