Thank you Carl, for being the only one who is proud of me.

Just kidding.

I know you all have a place for me somewhere. I just know that many of my friends overlook me sometimes, and then I wonder how important I am to them. I constantly wonder, "What if I disappeared? What would they say? How long would it take for them to notice?" and then I slip away into the darknes; alone, afraid, tired, and in a constant state of wonder if I am truely important to someone. I tell myself I must be, I tell myself I am. But without someone one there to tell me, I fall away into silence...

And it's moods like this that make me remember all the things I have done with my life, friends, and enemies all at once.

I remember when...

• I moved to district 308 in 2001
• I met Kylie and Holly (who, at that time, were pretty good friends)
• I switched to bassoon between sixth and seventh grade
• Bednarcik was built and I went there for seventh grade
• I tried to get to know someone through someone else, and ended up meeting one of the greatest people in the world
• I met Kit in seventh grade LA
• I went to IMEA in eighth grade
• I watched my friendship with Kylie and Holly dwindle away to nothing
• I watched everything I knew being turned inside out
• I watched a few friends make their way to the top of their social scale, and leave me behind
• I thought that everything would be ok, and it eventually was, but I had to make it by myself
• We went to the rose parade, and while that was a marvolous event, I never could shake that hole in me
• Starting high school, and how empty the hallways used to be.
• My conflict with Matt
• My "in's and out's" with my social life
• My love that I soulc never have

And then I remember how things used to be easy. I remember when all I had to do was wait and everything would be over in a day. I remember how I knew it would be better, and that I would never leave my friends again, and now all of the sudden, college is staring me in the face. And all of the sudden...

I want to be too naive again. I want to forget. I want to not care about anything and everything.

But then I remember...

It's too late to go back now. I can't forget.

And I want this hole to be filled in me once and for all.

and I know that hardly anyone reads this, so I'm safe to explain to myself how I feel.

HAHA!

Just an update for those that didn't know:

I MADE THE PLAY! I GOT THE PART! HEHEHE, THE ONLY FEMALE PART!

^^ I'm done with gloating. :P jk. MY FIRST PLAY! I'm so excited. November 3rd, wot! Only performance that I know of at the moment. We're trying to get another time to perform, but supposedly it's super-hard to schedule the theatre. I wouldn't know, I'm just in it when I need to be. lol.

WELL, all is going well at the moment. Seminary is AWESOME (that's usually rare, but lately I've been feeling the spirit! that is so awesome, I've never felt the spirit at seminary before.), school is great, life is going good too, and I'm in the happiest mood I've been in in years. Yup, that's what I said, years. I don't consider myself to be depressed, or even enthusuatically crazy, but this play has made me so happy so far. I'M SO THRILLED!

I hope you all come to see me, even though I'll be muttering on about how you shouldn't cuz I get stage fright. Tft. I'll get over it? I hope so. Anyway, I'l be off now, I have a few other things I need to be doing. Like what, I don't know. But I'll go do it. :P

~Rachael

6 AND 8 DAYS! (Man, will that be an exciting weekend or what!)

Well, Zack is going to have me try out for that "Time Flies" play. The meeting's on tuesday! and I don't think I'l be able to get on soon. I gotsta go, wish me lucks! I want to make it so much! Plays are so fun! Plus, I'll be able to show people that just because I'm not in the other ones I can do good in plays. Stupid... person I'm thinking about... some of you know who it is hehe lol

~Rachael

I wish I could be recognized for doing what I do best instead of pretending to do what I can't.

Well, first off, school is ok so far.

Second off, Victor Borge is an AWESOME MAN....even though he is dead.

And third, I HAD A DREAM! Unlike Martin Luther King who still has one. nevermind. Bad pun, I realize, you don't have to tell me. I will *attempt* to keep names and such *confidential* as to not bias your feedback on it. Which, upon reading this, you must comment.

Ok. Let's get this party started. So in my dream, friend 1 and I are somewhere, on a bed or a couch or something. I wasn't paying attention. But anyway, we're talking and such and then he pulls me close and he kisses me. (yeah, I know. little scary.) Then he says "And that's all I want to say," and I finish his sentence by saying "I love you is that ok" (You know, like that one song). So then he adds "this'll be our little secret..." so then I turn around and I'm at school. and I'm talking to friend 3. I look down the hall and friend 2 is running at me and yelling, "Rachael, how could you?! HOW COULD YOU!?" So then I try and cover my head, you know, when you're trying to get away from something or ignore it, and when I look up again, friend 1 & 2 are yelling at each other, yadda yadda... I then I wake up.

Hopefully none of you realized who which friend was, since none of their real personality is in here anyway. SO! Tell me EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT OF UPON READING THIS! I MUST KNOW! It's been bothering me for a long time, and I've just decided to tell people about it with as little details about people as possible. Y'know? PLEASE tell me! I would like to know, thank you. :)

Falala. That's my exciting life so far. Future updates on my calender that I feel like mentioning:

Sept. 16: U of I BAND DAY! yay. my favourite MB day of the year. Next to the last football game when everything is perfect. :)

Sept. 17: (May I mention this is a SUNDAY...) David's b-day party! It was supposed to be on the 2nd, but he postponed it so more people could come.

Nothing else comes to mind. If I think of anymore, I'll let you know. :P

~Rayla♥~

In one of those moods that I hate.

I'm compensating for something harsh I had to teach myself this summer, and at the same time dreading Friday to come. This is definitley the only time I dislike MB. :( ah well. I've got to go do something productive for the last day of summer. Like...practice flags. I practiced earlier today but I am not happy with my confidence in that song. Erhg. At least I have all afternoon to practice tomorrow before MB. (I have to teach someone the whole thing after school tomorrow... that'll be a nightmare, don't you agree?)

Bassoon lessons start again next week, Zack wants me to do drama this year (which I personally think I will fall behind in so much because of it), and I'm already worried about how I'm going to get anything done...

Feeling unappriciated... and overworked, already.

I have to go do something before I kill myself. Internet is giving me a headache.

~Rayla♥~

Hullo, everyone. Just want to let Zack know that I'm creating a temporary timeline for the story. Just so I know whentheheck everything happens. (Yes, I just created my own word. Take that!)

So yeah. When I finish putting everything that's happened so far on it, I'll send to everyone. Minus Charise since she never checks hers. I'll print it out for her. Heh. Then she can write it on there. Hmm... maybe I should ask her if she wants one first. Eh. I'll just post it here and be LAME. Like I always am, right? Meh.

WELL, last night was fun, I had a grand total of three people come over (out of maybe six or seven that I wanted to come) to my house and have a "last summer fling" before school started. Oh, don't shoot me, but.. I actually want school to start. I'm getting so bored with just sitting here wondering what I should be doing, what I could be doing, what I haven't done, etc. You all know how that is. And then you just end up wasting your whole day, and when you go to bed at night, you realize that you wasted your day doing pointless things and you wish you had done more productive things. Well if you haven't guessed by now, that's how I feel. And to not endanger any of you who are reading this to become bored (HEAVEN FORBID!), I'm done. byebye!

"now you see, byebye, I'm really leaving"

~Rayla♥~

The three were laughing all the way to the park.

"So you really told him that you heard she killed her parents and ran around with their hands on a stick."

"Yeah, you should have seen the look on his face, it was something like 'damn kids these days will believe anything they hear'."

"Misinformation is such a wonderful thing."

"It's more of a distraction than disinformation. For it to be disinformation, they would have to believe it."

"True. But it's still funny!"

*shakes head* so funny. I can't wait until we have this done. IT'S SO EXCITING!!!!

Nothing else going on. Really bored and severly ammused. No wait, that's supposed to be confused...oh, nevermind! You don't get it anyway.

Ok, well nothing else to say, other than ZACK NEEDS TO USE SPELL CHECK MORE OFTEN. :)

~Rachaberriwi

:)