I want....

...everyone to update. because it's been forever.

and a plethora of other things, too, but that I can actually influence to do something about and change. ^_^

*jumps back onto couch to write more of Zack's superheroes story [cough] I mean study*

Since my parental units have obliged to change my Facebook password, I can actually hope I'll be productive during this finals week. I hope it'll also help me get used to cutting back from the massive intake of internet I usually receive in one week. [Yes, I think I am addicted.]

A necessary evil.



Layout for the week:

Monday - record all of major scales and arpeggios
Tuesday - American Heritage Final
Wednesday - Dictation Final; Book of Mormon Final; Freshman Double Reed-ists party
Thursday/Friday - get a ride up to Sandy to stay with Aunt and Uncle for a bit
Saturday @ 4:30MST - board flight. @ 8:35CST - arrive in O'Hare.
Sunday - partying it up!
Monday (12/22) - Chicago trip with pretty people I like!

And then major relaxation begins. At last!

1 WEEEEEEEK!!!!

And now the phrase, "I'll be home for Christmas" has never had so much meaning in my life. :D

*is giggly with excitement*

"One of the hardest things to do is watch someone you love, love someone else."

Or just watching them go away.

Ahh, the holiday is so bittersweet. It sucks.

I GIVE UP.

For the last time, I've given up.

And I keep saying it, but I mean it.

It's the final straw, and you've blown it. For the last time.

Seriously. I'm done with your $#@&. Grow up. Be the mature, responsible college student you and I both know you ought to be.



You have no frikin' idea how much you MEANT to me. None at all. Because if you did, you would've tried harder. You would've understood. You would've learned.

Is it too late to remind you how we were
And now our last days of silence scream and blur

Those words have never meant more to me than they have now. And it's so ironic - the same words once consoled you. I gave them to you. I practically SUNG them to you.

As much hate as you have probably imagined in this, I won't express it in public. I'll remain decent. I'll continue to kill you ever so easily with kindness. And then we'll just continue to drift apart until I can get away with removing you slowly from things in my life, and not have you notice. Because I'm sure you won't.

Frack. We had something special. Did you realize that? Were you even aware, without me having to remind you?

I told you I'd always love you. You said you knew, and that you were sure that I'd always be around to remind you. But what if I'm not around to remind you anymore?

Do you know what you meant to me?

Today was such an awesome day. =D

1, because it's Thursday (which means 2 classes, essentially; and it's almost Friday), and 2, because of BAND.

I have band every Tuesday and Thursday for about 2 hours each time, and it really is the best 4 hours a week of my life. (Hmm, that sounded rather funky. Bwah.) Today was especially good because we were so productive, and had a HILARIOUS time while doing it. Abundant in laughter, multiple rounds of applause, and we even had a couple standing ovations! And, of course, those warm fuzzy feelings and goosebumps when you just get something right. [Irrelevantly, me and Trent [[the oboist who sits next to me]] heard some ghost tones while the flutes and clarinets were fixing some intonation issues. It was really cool!! albeit strange.] It made the rest of my day so much brighter. :)

Our concert is next Wednesday, and I'm going to be sure to buy a copy of the recording (which I already did for my last concert!!), so you will in essence "be at" my concert. And I'll be happy. Unless you are Mike. Because then I won't, because he has an uncanny knack for losing my CDs.

Meanwhile, back at Provo [the dating center of the universe], I must confess that I am going on yet another date on Saturday. We're going to the Christmas concert being put on by the four choirs here at the Y. It's going to be really good, and I'm really excited!!

As a note for myself (sort of), a ton of my friends are getting their mission calls, as I've probably already stated somewhere. As of now, I've got 3: Salta, Argentina; Frankfurt, Germany; and Ft. Lauderdale, Florida [Spanish speaking]. a fourth will be coming later in the week! <3

And lastly....
16 DAYS UNTIL I COME HOME! And then I get to go to Chicago (hopefully again!) with beautiful people! And then I FINALLY get my deep dish pizza. Oh, how I miss thee, pizza! *brick'd*

I shall cease to bore you into oblivion. I'm off to write more poetry and fiction. :)

I don't understand.... Mostly, I don't understand him.

I have a faint idea: How could someone like him ever care for or understand someone like me? Or even if he does end up caring, what would keep him around? How would he show it? Would he understand my feelings if I slapped him in the face with it, or would he say he did but truly had no idea?

And what if I left? Would he come back and grovel like so many times before?

I know what you're thinking. Who (or maybe what) is she talking about?

Why it's simple.

It's YOU.


... I'll leave you to decipher all THAT on your own. Because you need to know how much you've hurt me. again.