And now for a positive update!

I have a job! =D

It's at Showplace. I train for a week, work a week and a half, and they're letting me work over christmas break and come back for next summer! So nice of them. =D

Obviously, I'm ecstatic, so I can't really talk about anything else.

ily!

But that was when I ruled the world

I didn't make the BYU colorguard.

Sad... but only worth a couple tears. I suppose I feel so depressed about it because everyone else thought I could make it, so in turn I believed that I might have a chance. I thought for a moment that I might be able to do it. I might have an honest-to-goodness, real, sure chance.

But I think I doubted all along. Why would they pick me, some nobody from the middle of Illinois who thinks she can spin a flag? Or a rifle?

Maybe it's because I don't want to face everyone and say that I didn't make it, when everyone was so sure that I could. 

I can't let people down. It's a weakness of mine. So when I do let them down, I beat myself up for it when it wasn't even my fault. Even when I have nothing to do with the problem. Even when I have no say in the matter.

It hurts, but it shouldn't. I need to turn this around into a positive...

But I can't. The whole time when my talents have been developing, I've been the best by default. Bassoon, flag, who knows what else... 

Taste the reality, people. Taste the awful bitterness.

-tear-

Random roaring in my kitchen is the current highlight... That and random wrestling. o.o

Girls Camp '08  =  Awesome! The person I had for secret sister had me, which was really weird. She was cute, though. Yay Julia! I love her. =D  Kasey ("cousin") came up on Friday, and we (being me, Kasey, Crystal, Shalene and Vanessa) stayed up until 2:30 am talking. Woohoo, girltime.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is my birthday (I'm OLD!) and mi familia y yo are going to the Sears Tower skydeck. Excitamente! Then they're leaving for Minnesota and I get to go to a sleepover. Then I get the house to myself until Saturday. Well, it's me and Payton, but it's pretty much to myself. =D

Then Thursday is a sleepover at Kit's house, Friday is a sleepover with Erin here, and then Saturday is when I find out if I made the colorguard (*prays fervently*) and when the parents come home. Woo!

..Oh, my laptop just arrived on the doorstep. o.o

Which means I'm going to go play with it! AHA!

Later.

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm worried about the future holds, the future holds 
I'm starting to worry about Ray 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm worried about the future holds, the future holds 
I'm seriously worried about Ray 

They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm treading on my tippy toes, my tippy toes 
I'm starting to worry about Ray 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm treading on my tippy toes, my tippy toes 
I'm painfully so worried about Ray 

They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
No! 

They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 
They say the future's out to get you 
You know that I won't let you fall 

The future's out to get you, the future's out to get you, oh 
The future's out to get you, the future's out to get you, oh 

The truth be told, the truth be told 
I'm worried what the future holds, the future holds 
I'm so tired of being worried about Rae

There is nothing quite like laying on your floor, listening to good music, and the gentle scritch-scratching of a pencil on paper as you create a universe.

Hmm. *snuggles*

cheeky-beast!

For your upstart scallywagging comment, brother, I'll have you know I'm not done with the color schemes yet.

I'm leaving the "black blog" for now - so many colors to choose from! ;D

Edit: This looks good, I think. Feedback / comments optional. 

Also, Mike, my computer just blocked your blog for "content." What have you put on your blog since I last checked??? Haha.

MIF (missing in fiction)

Yes, I'm aware that I've been MIA lately. Don't have a heart-attack because I have a life.

And when I say "life" I mean immersed in fiction.

>.>

Camping trip has been postponed to hopefully next weekend; updates on that later.

I'm making a boat! Granted, it's a cardboard boat, but a boat all the same. It's for YW camp for church. (Our theme is "Anchored in Christ.") I'm also going to dress up as a pirate the day I wear it. Pictures to come; it'll be great.

And speaking of (which no one was), I need to go to the mall soon. Anyone want to come with me? I hate going alone, with my siblings, etc.

And finally, my birthday is coming up! Lucky for you, I've comprised a wish-list, if you need ideas (which hopefully you don't, if you've known me thus far). I'll give you a hint: a buffalo could eat it. He might not like it, but he could eat it.

*beep* end randomness rampage. *beep* start tractor rampage.

VROOM! 

...

spontaneity

I'm picking up

I'm moving on

I'm leaving [it] behind.

Don't bat your eye

Don't shed a tear

I know you wouldn't anyway.

Give me my heart

Leave it to die

It's never done me much good.

Take back your things

I'll leave you here

You're no concern of mine.

Welcome to move,

You're free to go

I've never held you back.

I won't turn my head

To see if you've gone

I'm leaving you here

Whether you like it

Or not; you've no choice

I'm leaving you now

Whether you like it

Or not; Finally

This final goodbye.