lately I've been praying for God to prepare my heart for whatever's coming (cos I feel like there's a lot He wants me to do and I have zero clue what it all is).

last week I was pretty upset with Him after... well, let's just say I felt like I was supposed to put a lot of energy into a certain thing, but then got literally nothing back for it. tl;dr I was crushed, and because of it there was so much rage in me. but that's a story for another day.

this week I was thinking a lot about our relationships with people, and God, and some other things, and I got two thoughts.

1) when we say we like something, often it's not with very clear articulation that we can say why we like a certain thing. I like alternative music, but not hard rock- I don't know why, it just pleases my ear better or something. but I realized that somewhat makes its way into our relationships with other people as well. sometimes we can't say why we like a certain someone, or are attracted to them. sometimes we just kinda are.
(this kinda coincides with umm prolly Pres Monson's comment, that God doesn't love us for what we do or what we say we are. His love is always just there.

2) I've been asking for God to prepare my heart, but I realized that maybe that involves breaking it a little as well. not pleasant, but necessary all the same. (ow.)

I think I have an idea of where I'm supposed to go/what I'm supposed to do, but... I'm still kinda scared. not because I don't want it, but only because it involves other people and I'm most afraid of hurting them.

I don't know. I guess I thought it would be different than this. y'know?