today, I was told I'm a good listener.

while this doesn't surprise me (I've heard that before), I'm surprised that I heard it today, since I feel like I've been rather touchy about letting people tell me their problems. this is probably because lately, I've been hearing the same issues over and over again from the same few people.

it's rather bland and irritating, y'see.

BUT, me being me with my somewhat passive nature, I can't really say anything to tell them I don't want to hear it again. how the heck do I do that without hurting feelings? not possible, so I don't try.

and so it continues.

then I think, "maybe if I distance myself they'll leave me alone and tell their problems to somebody else who cares." (I'm not very good at the whole sympathy thing. plus, my logical part of me wants to fix it and if you're just venting at me, I flail on the inside and just freak out and get upset. no good.) so I shut myself away to work on my novel or whatever and they just follow me. like, honestly, if I'm in my room and the door is closed you'd think there'd be a huge DO NOT DISTURB sign on it, wouldn't you? or at least knock and ask "are you busy?" (to which I'd say yes and you'd leave. right?)

I like blog posts. if you start venting and people don't wanna read it they can just leave. bit more awkward if you do that in normal conversation.

I was also told recently that I'm very considerate of other people. according to them, I keep an eye out for who's having a hard time, do things because they're in my ability to do so, follow up on things we've talked about, all that. question is, though, is it selfish of me to get upset when that same consideration isn't returned? when I do your dishes and you don't say thanks, and then you leave more in the sink (which you KNOW drives me crazy)?? when I let you borrow stuff and don't pay back? when I load/unload the dishwasher every time, scrub the kitchen spotless even when I don't need to? when you don't even ask me how my day is? (I've since stopped asking you, if you've noticed.) this turned out longer than I was anticipating sigh

do your own thing and stay out of my way. that's how I'd prefer it. if I want to hear your stories 10 times over the course of the week, I'll ask. otherwise, keep it to yourself since I'm probably going to hear it later.

I really don't appreciate feeling like a doormat.