earlier this evening, my roommate Andrea walked into the front room while she was flossing and asked, completely up front and out of nowhere, "Rachael, what do you think your greatest potential for your life is?"
um, whoa dang. talk about a deep subject from the get-go.
after pondering for a moment, I told her the greatest thing for me would be to know that I have influenced many people for good; including but not limited to bringing them to know the nature of God, having them be comfortable with me as a "go to" person, helping them know that everything works itself out.
in a similar fashion, Andrea said she wanted to be able to bring at least one person to know the true nature of their individual worth, but the more the better.
and then...
then we started talking about being happy. and perfection.
now, earlier as we surfed stumbleupon, we came upon this page, which I find very valuable. my favorite on the list being this:
From the CEO of a major corporation to the lowly janitor who sweeps where his boss stands; they are all insecure.
it came up several times in our conversation, and we discussed truly being happy with ourselves - which includes letting go and accepting our imperfections 100%. this is no easy task, as I'm sure everyone is aware.
Andrea mentioned that she doesn't accept compliment without criticism - which is why when our dear friend Taylor came over several hours previous to this, he kept complimenting the picture she gave him because he knew she wouldn't believe it. (she's trying to get better. I believe she is.)
but it reminded me of several things. first, when I went to go chat with my friend Emily who lives upstairs. we talked about a similar thing, but how we expend energy on worrying and fussing about things we're already good at to hide up our inadequacies. But the point, as me and Andrea discussed, is that we're not supposed to be perfect. we're supposed to be lacking, to have weaknesses, that's the entire point of our lives: growth!
but then I realized another important conversation I had with my bassoon prof after I was denied to the performance program. in short, he asked me out front what my plan was now. I didn't know, I was just trying to keep my head up and to keep moving forward. Life goes on, and I was trying to remind myself that. He went through several scenarios, and I wavered around and he probably knew that I was flailing and didn't really want a pep talk at the time. so as I was leaving, he told me this:
"Don't let the [degree] define you."
but, upon reflection, I found that I've been doing just that. I've been waiting for some miraculous vision from heaven coming down to tell me what to major in, what to do with my life so I could be most effective. I've been wanting other people to make life's decisions for me, just because I'm inadequate and don't want to face it, just because I don't really know my full potential, just because I'm terrified of this life that I have...!
I want to be something that's out of my reach. for now. I can become something wonderful, something inspiring. but I have to start first.
so, there's a glimpse of my "something wonderful".
but I want you to ask yourself about your potential. where do you want to go? what do you want to do? what would be the biggest and best accomplishment, in your mind?
and do you trust in your Heavenly Father to help you get there?
--
Mr. Theopolis, I've always been scared to ask, but I wanna know what it's like. will you read me, sometime?
/aside
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