"Like, when some people graduate, they tend to start cutting back on communication/wean off contact so that when they do leave it doesn't hurt as badly as it would if you were still talking 25/7.

Instead of going cold turkey with friendships, you just cease slowly. It's not something that I'm saying should be happening. It's really not a good thing. But for some, it makes sense.

And I'm guessing in the end it is less painful.

It's still harder in the long run I think."

--

You would be right.

But I think it's ironic that it's what we just did, even though we always promised we wouldn't.

*shrug*

Rachel is a valiant little fighter,
All pound and three-quarters of premature chagrin.
Charged with Herculean desperation,
Holding fast to pulse and respiration,
Each day her elfin grip a little tighter:
Loving life so much, she has to win.

--Nicholas Gordon

they spelled it wrong. boo.

still, it's cool.

A date which will live in infamy.

For today, I declare that I have finally learned to love.



--


happy 400th post everyone. thank you for bearing with me thus far, at whatever point you started this journey with me.

Part of me tells me I will never understand.


And the rest of me has to agree. I don't understand why you always do this.

Y'know, everytime we go into a lull of not talking to each other, each one gets longer than the last one.

I know you're not ignoring me, but seriously. Do take some consideration.


You did call me your best friend, once upon a time.

Do try to remember that, if nothing else.

I think I would really like a huge thunderstorm.

Actually, I am in great need of a giant thunderstorm.

A thunderstorm that will light up the sky, one that will scare people from going outside, one that will shake the Earth itself. I want it to be a reminder to everyone of God's infinite power.



...

Highly unlikely in Provo, but I can pray for it nonetheless.

I'm either super hungry, or super nervous. Possibly both.

Hopefully this game doesn't last for too much longer, else this will make a permanent impression on my personality.

*brick'd*

Here am I. Send me.

This Saturday, my roommate will be auditioning for the the school of music here at BYU. She was asking me all sorts of things (which is weird, I'm not as well versed with all the things you're supposed to do to get in here). One of the things she has to do is take an aural exam. On it you need to do basic things as recognize intervals, select the correct harmonic progression, etc. For BYU, you need to score at LEAST 32/64, if I'm not mistaken. Please remember that fact.

I never wanted to go to BYU in my entire life. However, in a Bishop's interview the previous November (aka less than a MONTH before the application was due!!!), he suggested to me that I should apply for BYU. A little reluctantly, I did. I halfheartedly filled out the application, cut some corners, and submitted it. I thought little of it.

After doing the requirements for the school of music here at the Y, I went out for a lesson with Bro. Smith, the bassoon prof. He was really chill and taught in a way that made sense to me, and I loved it. On my way out the door, he commented that he would take the lesson that we just had and would count it for my audition. (Which meant, I wouldn't have to fly back out to Utah the following April when all of my final projects and things were going on for my senior year of high school! I didn't realize how much of a tender mercy that was until April happened.)

Now, I also had to do that aural exam. Remember what the lowest score was allowed to be?

I got 29/64.

Not good enough.

No less than 2 days later (Jan. 30th, '08), I got a notification in my email telling me that BYU had decided upon my admission. I followed the link, signed on a thousand times, and eventually came across a letter telling me I was rejected.

Reading this in my first period of class was distressing, and I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day. My mom eventually came to pull me from school and I went home sobbing.

At the time, I didn't understand. Why was I so emotional over this? I didn't want to go there! It was a waste of time and a clichéd Mormon thing. I would be taking someone else's spot who wanted to go there more desperately than I did.

Well, my eternal and wise mother counseled that I should email Bro. Smith and tell him the news. Regretfully (at the time), I did. He replied within the hour, and this is what he said.

Before you give up all hope of getting into BYU, let me look into this situation. Sometimes we, on the music side, can have some pull with admissions. I won’t know until I do a bit of research. I will be in touch with you within a week or so about this.

I'm so grateful he did what he did. He must've pulled a lot of strings to get me in here, and I can't help but realize how much influence my meeting with him did. I'm grateful my previous bassoon teacher told me to have a lesson with him *BEFORE* the audition - which turned out to be my audition in the first place.

Two weeks later, Bro. Smith told me he was submitting his letter of recommendation to the school of music for my acceptance. He estimated an official letter within two or three days, but that was certainly not the case.

March 12th, he sent me an email asking me about scholarship information. (Which, by the way, God knew was a huge deciding factor in my college decision.) I told him I had not yet received a letter from BYU proclaiming my acceptance. He told me to check the website, since he had been told a few days prior that I had been accepted.

FINALLY: March 19th was the day that I officially got my letter telling of my acceptance to Brigham Young University.

I accepted, got my scholarship, spent that last summer with my glorious friends (some of who just didn't understand why I was going so far away for school), and flew off that August with a heavy heart. Things in Illinois - and me, for that matter - would never be the same.




Now, I don't tell you all that to boast. I merely show this HUGE tender mercy in my life to you so that you can know as well as I do that the Lord lives, and that he answers prayers. I didn't know why he wanted me to go to BYU, and I still don't completely understand why I'm here. All I know is that the Lord knows what's best, and I can do nothing without him.

♥