hmm.

so it's supposed to snow tonight. a bit. it won't stick, so don't get your hopes up, people! the ground's too warm.

listening to train.

thinking about the pep band practice tonight. should be fun, eh! I just like the music. so much. it makes me happy. :)

thinking I'm really cold right about now. stupid house...

looking for the beatles bassoon quartet that I heard at solo & ensemble last year. not having much luck, but I WILL track it down!

and I told the like of my life (I'm boycotting the L-word -gasp!- :P) that I like him. maybe I oughta give you the story?

so I went to seminary, as usual. I almost didn't go today because I went to the temple last night and thought I would be tired. (I prayed last night that if I woke up and wasn't tired, I would go to seminary and tell him I like him. I asked God to make me tired enough to not go if I shouldn't say anything.) But hey, I wasn't tired! so I went, I got there when class was about to start, so I was like "stuart, I have to talk to you later." he goes ok and we have the lesson, talk about D&C 61-63, boom! class is over. I put my scriptures away and he comes up to me in the -dark- hallway and sez "what is it?" and I go "I think I like you." he shrugs. I shrug and sez "maybe I'm crazy?" he shrugs agin and sez "I dunno, maybe you are." and then we both shrug a few more time and then I sez "do you like me?" (dumb question to ask, I'm sure. gimmie a break, this is my first time.) and he sez "I dunno, I never really thought about it before. but this made me wonder, cuz he told me a story. I'll relay it to you, eh?

so he was riding in his best friends car (becuz it was their turn to drive) and his friend's dad says "so, theo! (his best friend) you're 16 now. any first dates yet?" theo says no. his dad goes oh and asks stuart. "so! stuart! you're 16 too, aren't you? have any first dates yet?" stuart also says no. theo's dad suggests that he gets one. stuart told me that then he thought it would be so funny if I were his first date. haha, funny? made me realize that he was thinking about me though. hmm. hint? or random ramblings of my mind?

I can't make heads or tails of it. gah. hit me hard enough to wake me!

Me: but guess what! awkwardness forcasted for seminary tomorrow...

Mike: With a slight chance of hope.

Mike: And overcasted letdowns when that doesn't happen.

Me: and crazy is added to the forecast. all week!

Mike: All day, everyday.

Me: all year.

if that ain't the truth, I dunno what is. heh, and I thought I was going to make this a short post. guess not. happy reading! if you didn't read through all that, you might want to. I don't think I'll be posting agin for a while.

goodnight! going to sleep until it's ok for me to wake up.

@};~

headlights on a dark road, showing me my path

I will find him tomorrow at seminary and say all. it will mean the most and I will be able to see the look in his eyes. and the glint or darkness that is in them will tell me, and I will know. and then I won't have to suffer anymore.

yeah. sitting here with a culvers concrete (yummy, brownie bits!) and listening to a very... emotionally distressing song. making my mood more interesting. tffit. oh well. life goes on, I suppose, right? it has to. and I sound emo agin. goshes.

so life is good. chirstmas is coming around, and I hardly have a grasp of what I want/ what I'm getting people. I'm getting one person a tie, two people books, one person a box full of fun stuff, and I'm not sure about everyone else. I know I'm getting everyone fudge, but I have to work on that part... I hope no one's allergic to anything. :P plus, I have to get everyone something un-edible. I mean, how would you remember? exactly: you wouldn't! so I'm working on it.

yes, so I think I might go now. I've made this as long as it needs to.

~Rayla

For once I want to be the car crash
Not always just the traffic jam
Hit me hard enough to wake me
And lead me wild to your dark roads
My tongue is lost, oh, I can't tell you
Please just see it in my eyes
I pull up thorns from our ripped bodies
And let the blood fall in my mouth
Headlights... before me
So beautiful, so clear
Reach out... and take it
Cuz I'm so tired of all this fear

@};~

gone, like yesterday

and there, my friends, goes another wasted moment. a missed opportunity. a chance to tell everything you need to.

the only second you had to tell him you love him.

re-thanksgiving and more

So yesterday was the OEHS fine arts re-Thanksgiving! (it was originally for speech/drama people, but I'm not in either, so it's simplified to 'fine arts' now.) and holy cow, it was AMAZING. I love all that went! We got there, talked for a bit and prayed over the food. Let me tell you it was the most interesting prayer I've ever been in. oO Pretty much everyone was chucking in things to pray for. it was so casual... anyways! I brought a dish of yams with a brown sugar/cinimon/walnut glaze stuff and it was all gone when I got my dish back! Zack took the rest because he liked it so much, but eh. I've got another full plate, so it's better he took it. :) Oh, and I found out what the difference between yams and sweet potatoes are! yams are from south america and sweet potatoes are from america, but they're used so interchangably in our culture that everyone doesn't care or doesn't notice. eh, whatever! it works.

I saw happy feet before the party too! was nice. they displayed it to be a comedy though, when it obviously was not. regardless, it was cool.

real thanksgiving was good too! had 20 other neighbors come and chill out. mostly people from our old ward. was excellent. maybe I told you about that already, maybe I didn't...?

ah well. good times have come, and I've found the secret to my life. I can't tell you what it is; that's for you to find out on your own.

It's not as easy as willing it all to be right
Gotta be more than hoping it's right
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me, tired with joy

~Rayla

@};~

ATV-ing on country roads!

oh my.

so my parents friend took us up north so we could go ATVing and the ride up there was FABULOUS. I love the country, just being away from everything. I'm still wondering to myself is I'd be able to live out there. Y'know, for the future and whatnot. Or maybe I could have a summer-home!

Oh, to dream.

Anyways! so we got there, admire the view, then go for a BETTER RIDE! burr hokey, tis roight! -shakes head- sorry, flipping accents. anywho! drove around on the ATV and had some fun with that for a good three hours and got really tired and came home. mind you it was two hours there and back so I'm just saying thank goodness for two cars! phew.

anyways, I'm really tired, so I'll be going to bed shortly. after I decide whether or not to tell my crush about my feelings.

wish me luck?

~Rayla

@};~

hilarious bits of interesting conversations...

(at IMEA saturday, when ushering:)

Woman: Excuse me, where can I find the bathroom?
Mike: Down the hall, to the right, and it shold be on right.
[Lady walks away]
Me: It should be there? You make it sound like it moves.
Mike: I was just thinking that!

(we laughed about that every time one of us said that. Eventually we changed it to "it will be on your right" so we wouldn't laugh when we said it.)

(ten-ish minutes ago:)

Me: watcha been up to?
Mike: No good...>.>
Me: nothing good? why...?
Mike: No reason...>.>
Me: I'm worried.
Mike: >.>
Mike: Alright, I'll spill it.
Me: yay.
Mike: Well...
Mike: ...
Mike: I'm pregnant.
Me: haha, I was wondering why you were getting fat.
Mike: T_T
Me: and then you'll be a proud....parent. won't that be lovely! we should start planning for the baby shower!
Mike: *_*
Me: I'll support you no matter what!
Me: I'm sure liana will too.
Me: if I may ask, who's the other...parent?
Mike: Liana.
Mike: She forced me into marige!
Mike: *sob*
Me: well I thought you like her.
Mike: But not enough to maryr her!
Mike: Hello!
Me: sheesh. well why didn't you say "i don't"?
Mike: I did!
Mike: And then, it was TERRIBLE!
Mike: She FORCED me!
Mike: *sob*
Mike: I don't know what to do...
Mike: Yes, I know what to do.
Me: be a good parent and support your wife.
Mike: I'm going to eat breakfast.
Me: lol.

(Definitley think that's the best conversation I've ever milked. haha, lol! I'll have to show this to Li and see if it's true. :D)

(At seminary:)

[I notice pink glittery stuff on my sleeve]
Me: Stuart!
Stu: What?!
Me: Stop using my sleeve as a tissue!
Stu: I didn't! (he totally didn't go along with it and was so lost.)
Me: Yes, you did! I saw you!
Stu: But...
Me: No excuses! I want you to apologize!
Stu: But I didn't do it!
Me: Yes you did! Stop lying! You're a bad mormon, you liar!
Stu: (pouting face)
Me: Geez, Stuart, I'm only kidding.
Stu: Oh, geez, I thought you were serious!

(I'm so awesome sometimes. Drama has helped me act serious in funny situations. YES! wonderful stuff.)

My bro: It's so isosolated.

Family: You mean "isolated?"

My bro: Whatever.

Family: There's a difference you know...

My bro: I know that!

Family: Do you know the difference?

My bro: ...

Me: For one, isosolated isn't even a word...

(it was funnier at breakfast.)

There were more awesome random conversations I had, but I can't remember them. Until next time!

~Rayla
@};~

there's a first time for everything...

So today in gym, we were in the dance room because we weren't swimming (pump was broke?). We "watched" half a movie, and after it was over, I stood up and looked at one of the full body sized mirrors that line the walls.

I liked what I saw.

For the first time, I honestly liked myself for me. And only for a fleeting moment, I thought I was so important...

But, of course, then I see everyone else around and realize if they liked me as much as I liked myself, they would've at least said hello. (I was isolated.)

They joys of having an aunt coming to stay. For Thanksgiving, no less. Tch.

In other news, editing is going well. Sent my first one to little P (cuz I needed someone new to critique) and she's going to be critisizing that. (small thing I'm worried about: she leaves it out and her brother finds it and reads it. oO) Anyways. Re-read my second and third one and it hurt. Not because it was bad, but that I was astounded that I described it in such away that it physically hurt... I surprise myself in such random, good ways.

Anyways.

Wishing I could think of new characters and plot,

~Rae

@};~

ps- probably not going to be on much over the holiday. You know how my parents are with internet... so yeah.

HERE'S TO:

-ping pong games with you mom

-and dying after laughing so hard after a ball went flying in the wrong direction

-awesome band people that live for music

-awesome choir people that live for music

-SPECTACULAR orchestra people that breathe music

-IMEA being at our school

-and reminding myself that I could do that someday for the rest of my life

-spending so much time with my best friends in the world

-reading over past things and realizing that no matter how old you get, you still understand

-and then realizing that you feel the same way about it

-music in general

-friends in general

-life in general

Wishing time went slower and that you had courage to speak,

~Rachael

@};~